Drop It Like It's Hot

Well, we all survived another week.  It's been a rough week as both the boys have colds.  The little one is particularly miserable and has been cussing us all out at every opportunity.  I cannot wait for them to get better so that we can return to our normal level of insanity.  As usual tell me about your week and share what you have been reading or writing. Let the weekly blogwhoring begin.

What If You Rape Someone While Sleepwalking

When Fat Hatred, Emotional Blackmail, and a God-Complex Meet...

A New Journalistic Low

Mothers and Fathers Who Murder Get Treated Differently Because They're Different

Safe Haven Laws Are Not Working

Trans Murder Apology

Michelle Obama

Peeve Time: "The Obese" As Walking Dead

Women shouldn't have to fight for their rights

Darfur: When Assault Becomes A Reason For Genocide

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Transphobia Lives In Our Everyday Language

With the announcement of Thomas's second pregnancy, and the death of Duanna Johnson (RIP), I have had occasion to discuss the lives of the transgender community with various people that I interact with.  What I have come to realize is that so many don't understand the ways in which their negative language, and abuse leads to the death of so many.

What astounds me is that the same people who would be shocked and angered to hear someone use a racial epithet, have no problem referring to a trans woman as a man.  Hearing someone utter the word nigger would blind them with rage, but yet the word transvestite falls off their lips like it is nothing.

When I was looking through the list of victims for TDOR, I could not help but notice that many of the victims were of colour.  I have heard about the connection between race, and crimes against the trans community, but reading the list made it so concrete to me.  The connection is real. This  stunned me into silence.

As these people spread the ignorance, laughing and cackling like hyenas about trannies, what they fail to recognize is that they are minimizing the death of POC. If your blackness and culture means so much to you, how can you laugh at this?  It's not funny.  It is not amusing.

Someone once asked me why I care so much.  They told me that, "I was a normal woman", and they could not understand why I "cared about the freaks"... The answer is quite simple really.  When I see a trans woman, I really don't see any difference between her and I.  To me she is a woman struggling just like I am to make it in a world that tells us that we are less than.  I see our shared struggle; and I see sisterhood and solidarity.  To know unequivocally that trans women are victims of such a high degree of assault, only makes me want to speak out more forcefully.

The same things that reduce trans women to less than work against me.  To say that this is not my problem means that I would be blind to the ways in which the isms interact. Racism, Sexism, and Transphobia all have the same parent.

Beyond the connections which to me are obvious, there is also the issue of valuing humanity.  Bodies are rated  differently in this society, but this is the result of social construction.  There is nothing about a trans man or woman that makes them inherently any different than a cisgendered person. Any difference that we see is what we have created to benefit ourselves. 

What difference does it make what someone else's genitals look like? You are not sleeping with them, and they are not taking your body to do their business.  Why is it so damn hard to look at someone and see a human heart beating?

When I hear the terms like trannie, he/she, or it directed at trans people, I know that these are hate words.  I know that they hurt, and that they have real world consequences.  These terms exist to dehumanize the trangender community.  They perpetuate ignorance and hatred.  The fact that they remain in common usage allows murderers to use the trans panic defence. 

When I think about it the usage is so common, that the media does not even bother with code terms the way they do for the black community, or the gay community.  When was the last time you heard a newscaster say faggot or nigger, but yet they have no problem saying transvestite or referring to a trans person by their pre transition name.  In fact they often go out of their way to insinuate that the victim was at fault for "play acting".  Each time these hateful words are said, they reify difference where there is none, and justify the bloodshed of innocent people who are just trying to live their lives.

If you cannot find commonality with the trans community based in race, then find it in our shared humanity. When you belittle their experience you are reducing us all. No one, no matter who they are should live a life where they fear violence.  No one should lead a life in which they are daily marginalized just for being who they were born. Fuck,  I know I keep saying it, but all bodies matter.  Every single one of us is precious with untold gifts to bestow upon this beautiful blue planet.  We will never know peace as a species until we learn that one essential fact.

The next time you hear someone tell a trannie joke, or act like their words have no meaning, remind them that words are how we order and understand our world.  If the words that we use as descriptors create someone as less than, then we are devaluing the life of another.

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The Role Of The Hymen In French Marriage

Last June I wrote about a French marriage that was allowed to be annulled because the woman misrepresented her virginity.  The ruling was approved because it was deemed that a woman's virginity was an "essential quality" in her husbands culture.  It seems that when it comes to controlling a woman's sexuality the French government had no problem considering a foreign culture. 

When a Muslim woman  tried to gain French citizenship  she was denied because her practice of her religion did not make it possible to integrate into French culture.  Apparently, wearing a Burka and not interacting with men to which she was not related was deemed  to religious of a lifestyle to integrate into a secular country.

Today I am happy to report that the annulment has been overturned.  The couple is once again legally married, and they must now seek new grounds upon which to base their need for the dissolution of their marriage.

In both of these cases the French government was dictating what is and isn't appropriate behaviour for a woman, while no such standard was put into place for men.  These rulings are highly sexist in nature. 

In these two cases the Madonna/Whore complex collided to control not only a woman's sexuality, but our freedom to lead lives freely.  If both purity and open sexuality are disciplined what room is there for autonomous decision?  It would seem then that behaviour must be approved of by men in advance of action. 

By overturning this decision the high court affirmed that a woman's sexuality cannot be used against her like a weapon.  Whether this idea will translate into wider discourse is yet to be seen.  Patriarchy has much invested in controlling the female body to suit its needs.

The freedom to have sex and not be belittled, or treated as used filth is a right all women have yet to achieve.  On one hand women are expected to be sexually available to men, but if the decision to engage is based on our needs, or our desires it suddenly becomes a shameful act of sluttish behaviour.

A woman should  not be punished for choosing not to engage in sex either.   The decision to cancel the annulment was wonderful, but the ruling regarding the rejection of citizenship based on chastity, and female subservience also needs to be overturned.

While I do not agree that a woman should subvert her will to a man, it is her right to do so.  If we are to respect women's autonomy that means supporting choices that we are not necessarily in agreement with.   Ultimately what a woman chooses to do with her body is her business, and no government body should be able to legislate that right away, or deny services based on those grounds.

It seems that  there are still so many unresolved issues.  While the over turning of the annulment is something for all women to celebrate, it must embolden our efforts to ensure that all women have the right to agency and autonomy.  Until we are freed from the social moors that exist to restrict us, the battle can never end.

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When We Talk About Sex We Always Leave Out Masturbation

I told Destruction about the birds and the bees quite some time ago.  Not being the kind of parent to withhold information from my child, we answer all questions he has in relation to sex as openly and honestly as we can.

When he came to us in concern because the fish in his testicles were dying we managed to withheld our laughter, and tell him that he didn't need to feed the sperm that he wasn't even yet capable of producing. 

When he announced at the dinner table that he was planning on remaining celibate for life because a friend told him that an orgasm is like an explosion, we smiled and reassured him that no orgasms don't hurt, and that he would love them when he had them.

Recently what I have been thinking a lot about is masturbation.... Oh I know dirty girl, dirty girl.  You see I realized that we talked to our child about sex and neglected to discuss masturbation.  Self pleasure is something that we joke about culturally, but seldom have real conversations about. (Note to self: talk to kid about masturbation)

Even in our conversations about masturbation are decidedly genderized.  We have various colloquial phrases for when men choose to pleasure themselves and very few for women.  It is assumed at some point a man will choke the monkey, jerk off etc., whereas women are expected never to touch ourselves.

The vagina has been constructed as the dirtiest body part belonging to a human being.  For a woman to touch herself intimately is a secretive act of deviation. We are further not constructed as sexual beings within our own right.  A womans sexuality is framed as servicing a mans needs rather than actively seeking pleasure for the sake of pleasure.

Masturbation should not be some kind of dirty shameful act.  It hurts no one and provides us with an excellent understanding of our bodies.  For women who are taught to repress our sexuality, masturbation can be imperative in learning about what truly turns us on.  How can you tell someone how to pleasure you, if you don't know what you find pleasing?

I think it is time that we bring masturbation back into our conversations about sex.  It is time that we move beyond it as a source of cheap jocular humour and focus on the good it can create.  Most of us are sexual beings and masturbation is a legitimate expression of that.  Why deny yourself pleasure based in the sexist idea that your body is dirty or foul, or that you are not meant to enjoy sex?

Getting yourself off can be the greatest gift you give yourself and its free.  So go ahead dim the lights, sip a glass of wine and get down with your bad self.  The only person you are hurting by denial is yourself.

I know that people get shy talking about this so don't clam up in the comment section.  Share what you have learned about yourself through masturbation...reply anonymously if you are to embarrassed but keep the conversation going.

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What Do The Homeless Deserve?

I am sure that the person who came up with this little campaign probably thought that it was a great idea.  Just look at the bonuses, you are not wasting food and a homeless person will not have to dig through the garbage to find food that you carelessly threw away because of your economic/class privilege.

On the face of this so many would think that this is wonderful.  What this is, is class condescension. Sure, just leave your left overs on top of foul smelling garbage for the homeless to eat.  They should be grateful right?  Look at the wealth you are leaving behind.

If you want to help the homeless, and the hungry, take home your damn left overs and eat them yourself.  Just because someone is poor does not mean that leaving your cast offs like this is an act of generosity.

If you really want to help, you'll give them change instead of walking by them like you don't see them.  You will donate to food banks, and I am not talking about the dusty cans at the back of your cupboard, or the weeble filled pasta and rice that you never got around to eating.  How about donating a couple of hours a week at a local food bank, or soup kitchen?

No...just leave them your garbage because they are cast off human beings who should be grateful to eat your leftovers. 

There is this idea that somehow if you live on the streets that you are less than or that food is your main concern, never do we stop and think about the human dignity that we deny them.  Never do we stop and think about the medical treatment that they are not receiving.

A large percentage of homeless are living on the street because they have a mental disability.  We hospitalize, treat and release only to repeat this cycle over and over again.  Hospitals are worried about their bottom line and cannot afford to house the indigent.  On more than one occasion a homeless person has just been dumped as though they were refuse.

There are restaurants that won't let you use the bathroom unless you make a purchase.  Think about it ...every single human being needs to use the facilities and so why not attach a price tag on taking a shit.  Profit whenever possible and screw the indigent who have few options. 

I don't have the answer to the homelessness problem, but I do have enough of a sense of humanity to realize that giving them my half eaten food is not an act of generosity.  Only a self involved, narcissist  would think that this is activism. God forbid we engage with people as though they are our equals.

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GM Bailout: When the Ship Sinks, Joe Six-Pack is to Blame

I have a new post up at Global Comment.

It seems each time the news turns to the financial sector there is a company or industry that’s failing. While economists examine what it means to the economy as whole, ordinary Americans sit in fear that tomorrow will bring a pink slip. While we have a tendency to speak about economics in abstract terms, it has a real world-effect on the average Joe Six-Pack that both Democrats and Republicans wooed ardently during election season.

The witch-hunt goes for a business or entity to blame for the current crises goes on. One of the culprits Anderson Cooper named as responsible for the meltdown was the American consumer. He reminded us of the large homes, financed shopping trips, auto loans and lack of saving. He suggested that it was the American desire for possessions, combined with an easy credit system, that played a huge role in this collapse.

What Anderson neglects to factor into his analysis is why the consumer lives on credit. It is not always a case of wanting to get the latest toy or cute new pair of shoes. Many homeowners have been forced to refinance their homes to pay for medical expenses or college tuition for their children. The availability of credit on demand has allowed companies to gain large profits without increasing the wage of the workers that labour to create their wealth.

With the ability to purchase what is needed with credit rather than cash, many did not see reason to stand behind their unions as they fought for gains. What is the necessity of organizing if your needs are technically being met? It wasn’t until the economic fallout that people have come to realize that credit does not offer a real safety net.

Finish Reading Here

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Transgender Day Of Remembrance

Today is Transgender Day of Remembrance.  I tried to write a post about this earlier in the week but found it difficult to speak about the loss of so many people.  This day is a necessity because trans people are particularly vulnerable in society.  Many have died because of the fear, ignorance and hatred of others.  When I visited Remembering Our Dead, the length of the list was a terrible testament to the violence that trans people have to live with.  As I scrolled through the names I realized how many people I had never heard of.

The media does not cover their deaths, or crimes against them with the seriousness and respect that they deserve.  Instead they are treated like some kind of circus freak show.  In it's starkness Remembering Our Dead tells us what we have lost.  There is an official website which lists events that are happening today, please attend if you are able.  We must remember the dead and pledge in their name to try and end the violence.  No one should be subject to violence due to their transgender identity.

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Rick Astley Needs To Roll Barry Manilow

I certainly hope that you were not permanently scared by that.  There are some things in life that are just so ridiculous that they have to be shared.  Feel free to wash your eyeballs out now.

H/T The Bilerico Project

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I'm A Blogger What Of It

I don't know about anyone else but I am getting fed up with the crap that bloggers are getting in the mainstream media.  Every time I turn around some one is making a disparaging comment about the hard work that we do.

Granted not all blogs are equal, PerezHilton, Bossip or Crunk&Disorderly are definitely cancerous for the brain.  They are however not representative of the many blogs that populate the internet.  The "bloggers are loser" commentary has shown up on mainstream sitcoms. Politicians have commented that we are losers in pyjamas, in our parents basements, and reporters have continually complained that we have no credibility.

You know what, I am sick of the childish taunts and the daily belittling of not only the work that I do, but of many other committed individuals.  For many blogging is a labour of love.  God knows, no one is getting rich off it except for an elite select few.  Arianna Huffington may have a yacht, but most of us are slaving away in obscurity.

If you write the kind of blog that I do, you are even less likely to earn any money.  Unlike the Bill O'Reillys and Hannitys of the world, who are masters of lies and deceptions, I write and edit each and every single post.  Each keystroke is a commitment to truth telling and consciousness raising, which is a lot more than I can say some of the garbage that regularly fills the air waves. 

Bloggers are under attack because the media and the ruling elite have not yet found a way to control it.  Anyone can start a blog; they are free.  Anyone can have a chance to have their say, and in so doing perhaps influence someone half way around the world. 

The animosity towards blogging is about a loss of control.  Conversation and free thought are an anathema because it leads to an engaged population.  A citizenry that is concerned with current events and ideas is not easily lead in deception. 

In the precursor to the Iraq war how many mainstream media outlets green stamped the invasion without thinking about the criminality of the act? The only person in the mainstream that stood up was Donahue, and MSNBC quickly handed him his walking papers.  This is not to say that all bloggers function with high levels of integrity, but they do offer one thing that no other form of media does; the opportunity to engage with others.

In a world where true and honest engagement is not encouraged, a space to converse is a valuable thing.  It is something that should not be overlooked, or taken for granted.  Blogging is a form of resistance and this why it is daily demonized.

Bloggers will ask the questions that mainstream media can't or won't ask.  A particularly articulate blogger will introduce you to new ideas and theories.  A good blog is a place where you can learn.  Outside of the library there are very few avenues where one can attain knowledge.  Isn't it interesting that both publicly funded libraries and blogs are being attacked at the same time?  Libraries are being closed to budget cutbacks despite the essential service that they provide, and blogs are attacked as meaningless fodder in spite of the conversations that they inspire.

The elite has a history of attacking anything that threatens its position of power. Anytime you see something utilized by the proletariat that is being attacked the way that blogging is, there is a good chance that it is actually doing some social good. 

I realize as a blogger that I have a very obvious bias and perhaps as a blog reader you share the same bias.  I am simply questioning the sudden impetus to attack a form of media that so many globally have found refuge in.  Nothing happens accidentally and you can be certain that there is an agenda behind this.

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Prince finds God and Homophobia

The great purple one has found religion.  Just like many born again people the first order of business for him was to preach hate.  Heaven forbid he latch onto the many biblical passages that preach about love and understanding, no what his purple highness has decided, is that homosexuality is wrong. 

"He pointed to a Bible. But there’s the problem of interpretation, and you’ve got some churches, some people, basically doing things and saying it comes from here, but it doesn’t. And then on the opposite end of the spectrum you’ve got blue, you’ve got the Democrats, and they’re, like, ‘You can do whatever you want.’ Gay marriage, whatever. But neither of them is right.” When asked about his perspective on social issues—gay marriage, abortion—Prince tapped his Bible and said, “God came to earth and saw people sticking it wherever and doing it with whatever, and he just cleared it all out. He was, like, ‘Enough."

I wonder if all those born again who find their salvation in Jesus Christ realize that he never once spoke specifically of homosexuality as a sin. Nope, that was St.Paul who was also rabidly anti-woman. (Sandalstraps weigh in if I am wrong on this one please) 

Do these people really want to return to biblical law?  Honestly, most would find themselves being stoned because no modern person lives this way.   While Prince is busy convicting others he is clearly more than willing to avoid the ways in which the very laws he subscribes to would convict him as well. 

Is the same man who threw a fit because another star said that they "brought back sexy", going to spend the rest of his life not looking at another woman in a sexual light unless he is married to her?  I doubt it, and guess what folks that is adultery. You don't need to sleep with someone in order to be guilty, you only need to think about it.

I believe that he is just using his latest conversion as a cover for long held beliefs.  This is a man who has always wanted the world to revolve around him, and now religion is providing a pulpit for him to preach to the little people from.

With religion you always have a choice.  You can either use your belief system to perpetuate hatred and ignorance, or you can focus on the positive aspects that encourage love, brotherhood, and humility.  The aforementioned are the lessons that people often reject in their desire to convict others of not being Godly enough.  Prince really needs to start think about why he feels necessary to cast the first stone.  As a man who has a camel and needle to think about, the actions of others should be the least of his worries.

H/T Queers United.

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