Thursday, June 26, 2008

Hey You Fatty

That's right I'm talking to you fatty with no shape and no curves.  You queen of the anti-woman, don't try and hide your grotesqueness under the label of thick. Qviloa is on to your desperate little charade. You cannot possibly love your body the way it is, because it is not appealing to men.

"In North America it seems that most white men like thin women, while most black men like thick women. When people say that black men like fat women they are mixing up fat with thick."

While you are conforming your body to meet male standards make sure that you slide yourself into the appropriate racial category. If you are white and happen to fall under the category of "thick", the males that you are "supposed" to mate with will still find you unappealing. That's right white women, you have to go the extra step and make sure that you are anorexic enough to meet the modern day beauty standards, or you may find yourself alone night after night living out that famous New Years eve scene from Bridget Jones Diary. Can you picture yourself alone, drunk and singing all by yourself? That is the life that awaits you. Isn't avoiding that, worth getting a serious disease and starving yourself half to death.  Buck up, think about what you are risking...if you don't do this you may never have the pleasure of another deep dick again.

"Since liking thick women seems so natural to me and since thick women are clearly the ones best able to bear children, it is hard for me to understand how so many white men like thin women, though clearly they do. Some black men do too."

Not getting the dick means no motherhood. Mother nature would not approve. Uterus, eggs, fallopian tubes and vagina equals all women want to be mothers. You are risking your biological imperative by stubbornly hanging on to all of this extra weight.  If you don't stock that fridge with weight watchers meals immediately your DNA will never be passed on to the next generation.  Don't think about the expense of those high sodium, frozen meal replacement dinners, think about it as paying a tithe to the temple of dick.  If you are feeling hungry on this new diet, just imagine how full you will feel with a mouthful of cum. The benefits to swallowing include, but are not limited to fructose sugar, water, vitamin C, citric acid, enzymes and zinc, all for a mere 5-7 calories. Did I mention the special honor of sucking a dick in the first place. So put a lock on that freezer and dream about the days when your nutritional requirements will be met with a teaspoon of cum. With a steady diet of dick and cum you will be able to wear all of those pretty thongs, to show off your now visible feminine curves.

I must be some kind of unnatural anomaly. I have been fat most of my life and guess what, when I wanted dick, I got dick. I didn't have to starve myself or walk across hot stones to prove my worthiness either. Fat women get laid when we want it, believe it or not life is not all vibrators, wine and tears. I don't spend my days looking at pictures of other women in envy. I also am committed to living my life everyday, and as such the idea of waiting until I loose all of my so called excessive weight to stake my claim in this world is decidedly unappealing. So Qviloa you keep telling the world what is appropriate for women, and we fat women will just keep on getting on. While you are at it, you might want to take the time to think about what women find attractive, because shockingly enough having a dick is no guarantee of access to the bodies of women. We might also have a demand or two.

12 comments:

Genevieve Hinson said...

Laughing so hard I cried. Great, shocking, wonderful and on the mark post.

Sniper said...

Wow. Qviloa sure has a whole bunch of specifications and rules. That post reminded me of being a kid and coming across an article about "perfect" proportions. You know, 36-24-36, 100 pounds for the first five feet, plus 5 pounds for each inch after that, etc. By the standards of that article, my body was (and is) completely wrong and screwed up. I guess Qviloa just wants to make sure that nobody missed that message. Always remember, ladies: you can never win, everything you do is wrong, and your life is not your own. Got it.

Danny said...

So not only are women supposed to mold their bodies into whatever men want but at the same time men are supposed to only be attracted to certain body shopes?

You know I'm know women are sick of being told how they need to look and I am damn sure tired of being told what I'm supposed to look for in a woman.

When will people learn there is no magic bullet body style that all women are supposed to look like and there is no magic bullet body style that will attract all men?

TinaH said...

*stands*
*applauds wildly*

Sniper said...

Oh, dear. I made the mistake of reading further and... it's rather creepy. Under the auspice of paying tribute to the beauty of black women, Qviloa has a bunch of posts categorizing women of different races according to fuckability. Black women are at the top thanks to a long list of attractive traits that, apparently, all black women share. White women are at the bottom because of their scrawny thighs and empty, soulless eyes. All women are judged by their ability to give the author a hard-on.

Ick.

Duane said...

"if you don't do this you may never have the pleasure of another deep dick again."

"If you are feeling hungry on this new diet, just imagine how full you will feel with a mouthful of cum. The benefits to swallowing include, but are not limited to fructose sugar, water, vitamin C, citric acid, enzymes and zinc, all for a mere 5-7 calories. Did I mention the special honor of sucking a dick in the first place. So put a lock on that freezer and dream about the days when your nutritional requirements will be met with a teaspoon of cum. With a steady diet of dick and cum you will be able to wear all of those pretty thongs, to show off your now visible feminine curves."

Comments like these are the precisely the reason that I call you an "Angry Feminist". I mean good Lord, was this diatribe really necessary. Is it that difficult to prove your point with out any of the “cum eating” discussion. Would it not be simple enough to say that the writer of the post you are responding to is clearly sexist and does not speak on behalf of men everywhere. Do we really need a lecture on how fat women get laid? Everyone on earth gets laid if they want to. Old, young, fat, thin, short, tall, ugly, pretty it makes no difference there is always someone out there who will be interested.

Renee said...

Comments like these are the precisely the reason that I call you an "Angry Feminist". I mean good Lord, was this diatribe really necessary. Is it that difficult to prove your point with out any of the “cum eating” discussion.

It's called satire and it doesn't make me angry. Further policing language in this way is patriarchal privilege.

Lindsay said...

Fat women get laid when we want it, believe it or not life is not all vibrators, wine and tears.

Brilliantly hilarious.

ms_xeno said...

I haven't ever wanted to hug my computer as much as I do right now. 8) Great stuff.

bluelinchpin said...

I'm rolling on the floor laughing!

Excellent post! I love it! You have such a mouth on you, and it really helps get your point across.

THANK YOU for writing this. ;)

DiosaNegra1967 said...

Renee: You are made of teh awesomeness! Great post....made me de-lurk! Dang it!

Danny: IMHO, people will "learn" when the message of said preferred body type stops being reinforced everywhere...from cradle to grave....

Sniper: "...Always remember, ladies: you can never win, everything you do is wrong, and your life is not your own. Got it."

Perfect summation!

Renee: "...because shockingly enough having a dick is no guarantee of access to the bodies of women."

Blasphemy!

Drowsey Monkey said...

LOL ... love it. I got into a huge argument with someone over at BC about a similar topic. Oddly enough no one agreed with me ... well, probably because I'm so unhealthy being overweight that I'm not able to think clearly.