Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Hugging Daddy Is No Substitute For A Good Fuck

The sex police are at it again. I came across this article at feministing. According to Janice Turner, the creator of Power of Purity classes at New Birth Ministries, "Girls give in to sex not because they want sex - it's like a hug. If they can get that from their fathers, they won't need it from a boyfriend." I know that the woman has had sex because she has a daughter, but she clearly must never have had an orgasm.  People have sex because it feels good. Here is another little thing that she forgot in her message about female chastity, women also have sex with each other, and you know what, that also feels good. It's not all about the penis.

Turner is part of the purity movement that is trying to restrict female sexuality. Girls get all dressed up in white, (love the imagery) Daddy dearest gives them a ring, and they pledge not to engage in sex until marriage. Aww how fucking sweet. No sex until Daddy has turned you over to another man. Nice.  I'm thinking that this would make a great Duracell commercial...cause if you stick with this, you are going to need an endless amount of batteries for the vibrator you are going to have to purchase.

The best part of this whole strategy is that "Purity will never break their hearts." If perhaps the girl is feeling a certain sense of malaise because she has already lowered herself and lost her pride, the vow can still be taken. Yes sinners, repent and it shall all be washed away. To be honest the whole incestuous leaning of the purity movement is down right creepy. The purity ceremony mirrors that of a wedding ceremony, with the saying of vows and exchanging of rings.  It is all about male control over female bodies, and puts the onus on saying no on young women. Though Turner asserts that, "Sex is only a small part of relationships," I feel that the opposite in fact is true.  If it were not such an issue, there would not be a purity and abstinence movement dedicated to disciplining it and controlling it.

Wrapped in religious doctrine about pride and self esteem is the message that good girls don't. Good girls don't really like it. Good girls only say yes when they have permission to say yes. This denies the positive effect that sex can have on the well being of an individual, and it denies that women do indeed enjoy sex. It further promotes heteronormativity. There are a host of reasons to run screaming from this movement.  Don't be fooled because they have colluders like Turner pushing the message.  The decision to engage  in sex should not be based on guilt or shame, it should be based on whether or not it is an equal respectful relationship that involves reciprocity. The surest way to teach young women to respect themselves is to validate their decisions, not shame them into obedience.


Becky said...

Oh for goodness sake...

1) I got plenty of hugs from my dad and yet I still had premarital sex. Because I wanted to.
2) I get plenty of hugs from my fiance, and I still have sex with him. If she's saying young women don't actually enjoy sex but only use it as a substitute for affection, what does that mean for married women? Their husbands should be cold and unaffectionate to them so their wives will feel the need to have sex with them to get affection? I don't think she's thought this through.
3) You can still be heart broken even if you don't have sex! The first time I had my heart well and truly broken, it was by a guy I hadn't even touched, let alone fucked. "Purity" is not protection against heartbreak.

Roxie said...

But hugging can lead to feelings and those feelings can lead to you wanting to touch each other...and if we touch each other we might contract chlamydia....and die...pregnant.

Kismet said...

i love this post. it is dead on.

Amelia said...

Excellent. I had almost forgotten that sex feels good! ...because of all those hugs, you know.


XauriEL jSt'vaan Zwaan said...

That is... just... fucking... *creepy*.

How happy I am to have found a wonderful pagan feminist sex-loving Gothgirl to share my life with. I would hate to have to be the one who ends up dealing with this sort of emotional damage.

Vat said...


1) Clearly you didn't get enough hugs, nor did your father show you love through those hugs cause you had pre-marital sex.

2) see, what you get is that the rules change completely after marriage. in a marriage, the woman should give herself up completely to her man.


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