Wednesday, October 29, 2008

What A Slut

One of the main disadvantages that comes with living in a small town is the constant awareness of the activities of others.  There are certainly areas that have a smaller population than the Niagara Region, but for me this is about as small as I can tolerate.

One of things that I have learned is that people love to gossip.  I suppose when there is not much else to do with your free time, gossip provides good entertainment for some.  The divorce rate here is no higher than any other area, and people are just as unfaithful and yet I am continually being told about some woman's slut like behaviour.

It takes two people to be unfaithful in a marriage, and yet it is always the slutty woman that is to blame.  If only she had kept her legs shut, we could be living Leave it to Beaver lives circa 1950. 

When the conversation starts off with did you hear so and so was caught in bed with so and so, my inclination is to tune right out because I know that it is only a matter of time before the woman in the sexual liaison is subject to some kind of social discipline for her sexual behaviour.

Women are not allowed to fuck who, where or when we want without being hyper vigilante of how this behaviour will appear to others.  We cannot even masturbate in peace because we are taught that touching ourselves is a no no. We are told that our orgasms are given to us by men, and we can only experience them in a controlled environment mandated by patriarchy's desire to control our sexual behaviour.

Even when we receive permission to be sexual, we have to be careful and not cross the line of what is considered appropriate female sexuality.  Don't initiate sex to often because men like the chase, pretend that the missionary position is the most stimulating sexually, though it does nothing for the clitoris, and remember to moan at the mere sight of a penis.  OOOOH erect phallus must display awe and wonderment.

Slut shaming seems to be a social hobby.  Why join a bowling league, take a cooking class or read a damn book when you can engage in acts that ensure that women will forever be constructed as second class citizens? The joy that people take in participating in such malicious gossip is not harmless;  not only does it help maintain the idea that women should all be chaste, it stops people from focusing on why they take such pleasure in focusing on others.

If you feel the need to get off on other people fucking, perhaps you should just throw caution to the wind  and figure out where your own damn clit is. I promise you won't grow hair on your palms, and masturbating might actually make your own sex life a little better.  What someone else does sexually has no bearing on your life, or the content of their character.  Yes, I know that we have been taught that there are only some sexual acts that are acceptable, but my view is that if sex is occurring between two consenting adults, and no one gets hurt, get your freak on with pleasure.

Having a good, active sex life is excellent for our emotional health.  Nothing beats getting sweaty and having  earth shattering orgasms... You know, the kind where your eyes roll back in your head and you damn near swear you had an out of body experience...yeah that kind of good.  The fact that we feel the need to interfere with someone else's pleasure, because of where or how it occurs, only signals that even though sex is everywhere we look,  it is still a highly disciplined behaviour. 

Here is my suggestion to all of you who feel the need to gossip, Stop it. Take all of the energy and angst that you have invested in policing others and  focus on your own happiness.  Gossip never comes from a good place.  Perhaps becoming the town slut and having your own earth shattering orgasms might just be a happier healthier thing to be, than an uptight repressed ninny with a fridge for a twat.


9 comments:

Villager said...

...tell us how you really feel? (smile)

Your points are well taken!

peace, Villager

Jadelyn said...

On the one hand, yes. A thousand times yes. It's none of anybody's business what goes on between consenting adults - so long as nobody gets hurt. Which means that someone having an affair behind their spouse's back IS somebody else's business. Of course, that somebody is the spouse in question and possibly their divorce attorney, not the neighborhood sewing circle, but still. Point well taken and I thoroughly agree.

The bit I take issue with is, if you're so solid on people keeping their noses and wagging tongues out of each others' bedrooms, what the hell was up with the "fridge for a twat" shit at the end of the post? I mean, seriously? Do you, of all people, need to stoop to prude-shaming to get your point across? I wouldn't think so. I have great faith in your ability to make your points loud and clear, and I've learned a lot from you. But I really take issue with that statement, because it's still using a woman's sexuality to shame her and control her behavior, and just because it's going the other direction for once (prude-shaming instead of slut-shaming) doesn't make it okay.

Renee said...

@Jadelyn I started to write a denial of your assertion and stopped and re thought. I guess to some degree you are right I did engage in prude shaming.
My thoughts when I wrote this was of course a complete denial of slut shaming and to encourage women to embrace their sexuality. I simply don't believe that prude like behavior is "natural" given everything we know about the ways in which female sexuality is constructed. At the same time reducing a woman to what she does with her genitals is inappropriate and I know that the last statement certainly did that....thanks for the call out and I will have to think about your commentary a bit more.

fantome14 said...

I've seen people online do a similar thing all the time. For instance, when it came out that Sienna Miller was sleeping with a still-married Balthazar Getty, she was the one who was being called a slut, and if anyone called him (the married one) a dog, it was an afterthought at best. And this was definitely mostly women. Their excuse was that she's been a "homewrecker" before, but still. It makes me sad because I study the English Renaissance and some of the language used to describe women then, and it wasn't all that different. We've come a long way, indeed.

isabel said...

I agree with Jadelyn. Overall really great post, and 99% of what you say I'm like "yeah, right on!" but the bit at the end left a sour taste in my mouth. I very much appreciate that you are thinking it over, but I question your idea that some sort of behavior is "natural"; first off, that's the same sort of argument often used against homosexuality, and second of all, I don't think "natural" is the only okay way to do things. I think there are many reasons besides the patriarchy that someone may choose not to engage in sex; moreover, there are certainly situations in which women may choose to engage in sex frequently for wholly patriarchal reasons, so I don't think the sex=good, no sex=bad dichotomy really holds.

Like I said, overall I was really into this post, and honestly, if I didn't think in general that you were a very honest, good, smart writer I probably wouldn't have bothered with this comment. But because I really respect you, I felt I should leave my two cents.

Renee said...

@Isabel

I am not saying that sex = good and no sex = bad. What I am saying is that we need to culturally stop judging people on constructed Puritan values. What someone does sexually is really none of anyone's business.
As I re-read this post I also acknowledge that the ending was totally othering to people that identify as asexual and that was not my intent but nevertheless something that I did. More than anything this incident is teaching me to be more careful about the language that I use to express and idea.

yamiryu990 said...

a very relevant post although the last part is a little offensive in a way. but overall the point comes across loud and clear.

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