Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Until

Aysha Knight

Transcript is below the fold.

Until last night I was missing the key to the place I forgot existed.  Until last night I was afraid to express myself, for fear of rejection, retaliation from people who say I'm not deaf enough because my English is too good, not black enough because my mother is white, not Jewish enough because my skin is black, not Cherokee enough because each generation gets divided in half.  Some say I'm not straight enough because I share my love in life with a woman, not lesbian enough because well I have loved a man.  No enough labels to go and not enough strength to say enough.  Not until last night when I raised my hand and reached through the looking glass to touch the reflection of she who is me a naked girl running free loving my body, until drunk uncles started loving me too.  Believed all women would walk tall until I saw my mother crouched against the wall, searching for protection against a uncontrolled hurricane of misunderstood emotions.  Years disappeared taking with them the sea of denied emotions until I could no longer remember where this sea of rage and fear first appeared.  Until I started on the path away from self destruction and caught glimpses of the flame inside, uncovered when the masks came off in games of peekabo I see you.  I believed I was a rape victim until I owned the word survivor.  Hated my feminine curves, the roundness of my body until I get it pierced and let myself revel in its beauty.  Confined myself to an invisible cage until I decided to move and be free.  Until I met strangers soon to be friends, until I met the woman who loved me and held me with open arms.  Until I took a chance, remembered and then transformed myself.  Until last night and I opened the doors and the woman said hey sister huh welcome home. 


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