Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Because I Had The Choice

Mayhem and Destruction often provide the inspiration for my posts and this time is no different.  Destruction has been aware of the facts of life for quite sometime; however,  he occasionally asks questions for the sake of clarification.  Recently he expressed  concern about the way he was "hatched".  He is fascinated with the idea that I am walking around with little eggs inside my body.

I informed him that only birds and reptiles hatch and that I pushed him out of my body.  He looked at me in absolute amazement before uttering the words, "mom that had to hurt."  Yes, I told him but it was worth it because I love you. Then he said, but you were kinda stuck though mom, once the baby is in your tummy you have to have it.  This is when I informed him about abortion.

This was the first time he had heard of such a thing but I felt that it was important to discuss this with him.  Destruction can be certain of one thing, because I had a choice he is a wanted child.   When I became pregnant with him 8 years ago, I sat and thought about wether or not I was capable of raising a child, what the financial liabilities would be, the ways in which my life would change and if I even wanted to be a mother.  I was able to ask these questions because I live in a country where I had a choice.  There was no spectre of a back alley abortion, or a coat hanger that might lead to certain death.  The ability to choose meant that the decision I made all those years ago to become a mother makes Destruction a wanted child.

I was able to ask questions and make a reasoned decision based on the facts of my life.  This is not something that all women are able to do.  As much as we talk about bringing freedom and democracy to foreign lands, the real meaning of freedom is having the ability to choose.  For so many women globally though they supposedly live in a free societies, they are not able to decide whether or not they will allow a pregnancy to go full-term.  Since only women can get pregnant this lack of autonomy is a completely feminized form of oppression.  Men who will never know the risks involved in giving birth actually get to vote when it is not their lives at stake.  Imagine the audacity it takes for a man to decide to completely deny the sanctity of another being with full knowledge that many women world wide are the one raising the children  The statistics do not lie, despite the excuse that life is precious men find a reason to opt out when it comes time to work a double day, do the laundry, cook the meals, clean the puke and the shit - hey testosterone is about making the decisions not following through with them.

Apparently I need to "re-tool my feminism".  I have been told that advocating on behalf of women is sexist.  I suppose I could spend my entire life devoting my energies to patriarchy like the other colluders, but ultimately I believe that all people deserve respect and since patriarchy cannot see its own privilege I refuse to labour on its behalf.  So much of womens energies are invested in nurturing the males in our lives.  We do this from a place of love but these relationships do not entitle men to complete control of every aspect of our lives.  Motherhood is not like buying a sweater, there is no return policy.  This is a decision that effects your entire life.

If women can work, pay taxes, keep house, run companies, and become professionals in a myriad of fields, I believe it is safe to assume that we are capable of deciding what is the best course of action in the case of unintended pregnancy.  To deny us this right is to reduce us to children.  To deny us this right limits not only our freedom, but is a direct denial of our humanity. 

Destruction is alive today by choice. I weighed the options and knew that it would be difficult but ultimately decided that this was something that I wanted to do. I don't look at him with resentment because I chose to give him life. He is wanted and loved and everything I do daily, translates that message to him.  He is growing secure in the knowledge that I, his mother am a safe place.  In my arms he finds comfort and safety. 

Unwanted children do not have the same kind of security.  Unwanted children do not know this kind of love.  These pro-lifers don't really care about the life the child inherits; a heart beat is all that is important and that is a truly selfish act.  No child should be born that isn't absolutely loved, they are far to precious to be abused and neglected in the manner that  many commonly do.


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