Monday, May 25, 2009

Oral Sex and Reciprocity

Sex, Sex, Sex and more Sex.  We are so obsessed with sex that we often attach it to things that it has no relation to and when it comes to the actual conversations about intercourse, we use ridiculous euphemisms to highlight our supposed discomfort.  Speaking directly is something that is often discouraged in women and yet we are expected to be overwhelmed with our lovers prowess even when they leave us wanting to reach for a vibrator.

image Sexually men are understood as predatory and in constant image search of sex and this dynamic is routinely played out in the bedroom.  No man is ever to shy to say suck my dick and often fellatio is perceived as a necessary prerequisite to copulation.  A woman that does not enjoy giving head or finds it repulsive, is image deemed to be sexually repressed.  When  it is about a mans pleasure suddenly the idea of female sexual purity dissipates… Erections often lead to a loss of supposed sexual morality; orgasms before slut shaming.

Many men hump under the false assumption that their dick is the key to multiple orgasms and sexual bliss for women.  How many times have you had a dick waved at you like it was this long awaited prize that you had been dreaming about forever?  Oh yeah a dick, like they aren’t readily available for the asking.

image I am going to let all the men reading this in on a little secret.  A guy that is good with his hands and his tongue is a KEEPER.    If you can polish a pearl until a womans eyes roll back in her head, then you my friend will always be invited into a bed.  Don’t be a selfish lover. 

I cannot tell you over the years how many times I have heard women complain that their lovers won’t go down.  Seriously WTF…enough with men going down 3 times for every ten blowjobs they get.  That stat is worse than the pay inequity between men and women.  Where is the equality and reciprocity in that bullshit? 

Even worse than that disgusting statistics are the weak ass reasons why men refuse to put their tongues into service….It either “smells down there”, (note suddenly they can’t say pussy or vagina), or they just “don’t like it”.  Try telling a guy you don’t like giving blow jobs and set the stop watch because it will be seconds before he starts explaining to you that you have sexual issues.

Telling you that you smell, is just a way to shame you into accepting his failure to be a considerate partner.  It is common knowledge that the vagina is often constructed as dirty and to tell a woman that she smells “down there”, preys upon this meme and unnecessarily shames her.  I don’t know where men image got the idea that their crotch smells like a bed of roses.  The crotch is not a sweatless, odourless area and whether male or female, there is an odour. Call it body musk, call it crotch rot but no genitals smell like a 500 dollar bottle of perfume.

Even when some give in, it is often a case of “if you really want me to”, accompanied by a childish whine.  Socially we still view sex as something men do to women, and orgasms as something men give to women. We fail to understand that this false meme is centered solely on the penis entering the vagina, rather than a sexual act that is meant to specifically pleasure a woman.  As womanist/feminists ,we long ago claimed a right to our orgasms and so I must image ask why the hell are so many women still putting up with this bullshit?  To me it seems really simple; if you want head give head and if the man you’re fucking cannot agree to that, wouldn’t a hot bath, a shower nozzle and a good book be less frustrating for all?



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