Sunday, September 6, 2009

it’s for “her”; says so right on the can

This is a guest post from O filthy grandeur

image

Yeah, so I first noticed this monstrosity on a shelf at the store I work at, in the upper corner of the energy drinks section--a tiny pink stain on the wall that is the manly energy drink.

Because my vagina means I'm totally intimidated by those other manly drinks, with names like "Rockstar" and "Monster," there's now "her." Yes, "her."

My lady-brain knows it's for me, since it's got that helpful feminine pronoun right on the can. And it's pink! Because we all know women are incapable of purchasing products unless they're pink. And we're all so stupid being constantly choked by our vaginas and ovaries and whatnot, that unless they spell it out ("hey, it's for HER") we're just not going to fucking get it.

On a side note, I have to say I'm a little freaked out by the "her" website's tabs: "her home," "about her," "locate her," "buy her"--what the fuck???

Wishing to learn how this (stalker-invoking) lady energy drink differs from it's manlier counterparts, I read this:

her, or Healthy. Energy. Revitalizer is the first active lifestyle energy drink with women in mind. her Energy provides our consumers with a fresh, clean, and great tasting alternative to the other energy drinks out there on the market. Unlike other energy drinks, her will not make you “crash” or give you the “jitters”. The her formula is designed to give you just the boost you need without over doing it.

her’s sleek and stylish can is reflective of our consumers. her is geared towards women who are on the go with active lifestyles while maintaining that fun and flirty image.

her is based in Hollywood, California and is a favorite among the Hollywood elite, however it remains ideal for any and all consumers.

(Oh yeah, and every instance of "her" is written in pink. Gross.)

Thanks for spelling it out for us--again.

"her" is not like other energy drinks (but...it makes the same claims...). And let's observe the "sleek and stylish" can--minus that obnoxious color, it's the same size and shape as other energy drink cans.

Oh, it's reflective of your consumers? You mean those airbrushed white ladies up there bouncing around and drinking "her" in their panties? Got it.

"Fun and flirty image"???? Do I really have to go there?

Hollywood elite, eh? Well, that's mighty generous of you to have it available for us unimportant peons. I'm guessing your "any and all consumers" is similar to that "all men created equal" thing, right? I gotcha.

Just another example of how fucking clueless people are when it comes to marketing things for women. Morons.