Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Some Thoughts

I have had a little over 24 hours to reflect upon the discussion between Voz et al.  I decided to share some thoughts.  At this point I am unwilling to apologize to her crew. They have compared me to murderers and  decided it was all in good fun to make a pun involving my family.  To me, that is unforgiveable and there is no going back from that.

As to the other issues.  When I used the word drone sweetie and narcissist yesterday it was unacceptable.  After having a conversation with a trans woman that I trust, I have come to see that such language is reflective of cis privilege.  I apologize to all those watching the conversation that were hurt by that.  I have no excuse and will not plead ignorance, or attempt to justify it as a simple fit of rage because it is my job to learn and not the responsibility of the trans community to teach.  I sincerely apologize and hope that anyone watching was not triggered or hurt. 

When I challenged Voz as to her status as leader, I was not attempting to silence or engage in privilege.  As a WOC, I speak a lot about racism and yet I know that my truth is not the truth of all.  I would never presume to assume I spoke on behalf of all POC.  I believe it is presumptuous for anyone to convey the idea that they speak on behalf of a large community.  That said, these are my personal feelings and if it came across as policing I do apologize, that certainly was not my intent.

Some may feel that I handled that situation poorly and perhaps there is some truth in that.  I won’t deny that I was angry when I discovered my name had been mentioned in a conversation.  There has been wrong on both sides. I quite often speak from the gut and let the chips fall were they may but that does mean consequences.  I take full responsibility for an hurt feelings that I may have caused with my actions.  I apologize for my loss of temper to anyone that was triggered.  I have learned from this incident and will not make the same mistakes.

Editors Note:  I have read most of the comments on this thread now.  It has been very difficult for me and I needed time to process.  I am still incredibly angry but my principles mean something to me.  For an cissexism, silencing, or invoking of privilege I sincerely apologize to ALL that were hurt.  Being angry does not give me the right to sink to that level.  No one should be demeaned because of gender identity.  That said, it is my fervent wish to never  speak to VOZ, Genderbitch or Kyn ever again.