Thursday, January 28, 2010

Should The Ladies From “The View” Really Be Discussing Monogamy in the Gay Community?

The moment this conversation started, I knew that it was going to be a problem.  I don’t care how high their ratings are, four straight women sitting around talking about the sexual behaviour of gay men is problematic.  In fact, the only sensible comment came from Whoopie who stated, “We should get some gay folks on and talk to them.”  Um Yeah…and that should not really have been a huge leap, if you are attempting to center a topic on them. 

I certainly loved the repeated assertion that monogamy is something practised by straight people and open relationships exist in the gay community.  Nothing like holding on to that gay/straight binary to support heterosexist views.  There are plenty of people that are straight that do not believe in monogamy.  It does not mean that they don’t value the relationships that they are in, it simply means that monogamy does not work for them.   Here is another leap, there are plenty of gay people that are monogamous.  This does not come down to gay vs. straight but you certainly cannot tell that to The View ladies.

Some people are simply capable of divorcing sex from love and if that works for them, I fail to see how that is anyone’s business.   The only reason to comment about it at all is the desire to moralize about sex.   We may claim to be sexually liberated, however we have not strayed far from our puritanical roots, if every time the subject of sex comes up the first urge is to discipline behaviour in some manner.  It’s JUST SEX PEOPLE and if you are not currently doing it, you are thinking about your next opportunity to do it.

If fidelity were such a big deal, there would not be so many people straying from the marriage bed in search of new adventures.  The unhusband and I have great sex but I can tell you after twenty years,there are times that it’s like going to the ATM, guaranteed to get you what you need but not make your eyes roll back in your head.  Anyone that has been having sex with the same partner for a number of years is going to have the same experience. 

There is no real proof that humans are meant to be monogamous and framing open relationships as just a gay thing, only serves the purpose of creating a gay and lesbian identity as deviant.   It would seem to me that we are far more inclined to  serial monogamy rather than lifetime mating.  Ever heard of the seven year itch?  It exists for a reason.  If we are going to talk about monogamy seriously, then it cannot be reduced to straight people do one thing and gay people do another.  People in the end will always do what makes them happy regardless of what  turns their crank sexually.