Sunday, January 10, 2010

Sunday Shame: Food Theft

This is a guest post by the ever wonderful Sparky

There is a rule in my house.

image The rule is that all food and drink belongs to me. (Well, except that which belongs to the cat. Because this is a cat rule and she is clear that she gets prio). Anything left unattended will be claimed. Many a time Beloved will leave the room and come back to find his sandwich gone and me happily sipping his drink (he should have made me one, really).

Of course, I don't like all food and drink. Beloved has some very very distressing taste in food. He likes his sandwiches dry without ANY mayonnaise or pickles. What is wrong with that? But he will slather things in ketchup. I hate ketchup - it's a terrible thing to do to a sandwich. Oh and he eats dry pasta. No sauce. Seriously, that's clearly proof that he is possessed by demons, right?

And he drinks this vile Belgian beer that I wouldn't use to clean sinks with. And his coffee is too weak. *grumbles*

Now, some people would say that, therefore, I would leave Beloved's distressing food alone. Not so, Sparky is more crafty than that. Many a time Beloved has come back to find lime added to his beer, ketchup scraped out of his sandwiches (and replaced with pickles. Nom nom pickles) or new condiments and seasonings added. If I'm lucky, Beloved won't like my adaptations and will surrender it to me and make a new one (which, of course, is also mine if he puts it down).

Beloved, of course, objects most unreasonably to this behaviour. Which I think is shocking. SHOCKING I say.

Personally, I blame Beloved. He's lived with me for years now, you'd think he'd know the rule by now. You'd think he'd take precautions. And he really has no right to be irritated by this, does he?

So 'fess up people. Who among you is a food thief? Who can't see someone else's plate without wanting a forkfull? And especially - who among you says "no, I don't want any" then  does once it's cooked/made? (Beloved has threatened me with death by torture for this one)