Friday, February 12, 2010

A Facial For Your Vagina: Exactly What You Never Knew Your Lady Bits Needed

image Part of the reason that vaginas continue to be constructed as filthy is because there is profit to be made.   Women are now encouraged to spend money on dyeing their girls bits, and for those that can stomach the pain, you can have it nipped and tucked into perfection.  No matter what your vagina looks like, you can be certain of two things: there is something wrong with it and some company has already come up with a fix to make your vagina the desire of all heterosexual men.

In the latest onslaught of vagina merchandising, San Francisco's Stript Wax Bar is introducing the Vajacial. BellaSugar received a press release from Stript with this description of the new service:

Meant to be performed a week after waxing, the 50-minute treatment ($60) involves four steps. First, skin is cleansed with an antibacterial body wash and witch hazel. Then, a papaya-based exfoliating gel goes on before the esthetician extracts ingrown hairs. After that, an anti-freckle, anti-acne, or calming mask is applied. It finishes off with an application of lightening cream.

See how this works?  Create an insecurity and then market an over priced solution to calm fear. When you leave the salon, not only will your vagina smell like a tropical fruit, it will be lighter thanks to the cream they apply at the end.  Can you fell the yeast infection growing yet?  Sugar is not a friend to a vagina. You can never be pink enough of course and so those of us that just happen to have darker skin will continue to bear the disadvantage of having naturally darker labias.  Oh dear, however will dark skinned women survive, if we can never hope to pass the pinkness test?

In case you are still having doubts, just read the following glowing testimonial at Yelp.

DESPERATELY needed a fix for my poor vajay. It had been waxed by some random nail salon on polk street and suddenly it was filled with in-growns. It was growing these twisted weeds and was in all sorts of trouble.

The answer: I saw the sign that said "Introducing the Vajacial". Funny but clever at the same time. It is EXACTLY what I needed. I needed a full extraction, scrub and toner. For around $60, Katherine took her time to work gently and made sure to keep everything very sanitary.

The space is wonderfully decorated and Katherine is a very clever and skilled business woman. I recommend stript to anyone who has had a brazilian nightmare. Go here, your hubby will be happy.

Did you catch that last bit at the end?  Don’t have a Vajacial because it will make you happy, but because it will delight that special man in your life.  Golly gee whiz beav.  The only reason to have a vagina in the first place, is to make some man happy, so you had better do your part to make sure that the secret garden is a perfect retreat for him.  Really?  Is this really what we are going to spend our hard money on?  No wonder women continue to be so poor.  Also, don’t you love how nice and heterosexist this endorsement is?  No lesbian on the face of the planet is interested in vaginas.

Finally, we are grown women and therefore can we stop using pet names like vajayjay ? (I blame Oprah for that one)  It’s a VAGINA.  If we can’t even say it, no wonder we don’t believe that they are healthy and beautiful. Geesh.  Ladies stop obsessing over your vagina; it’s a marvel of nature.  It stretches to give birth, allows mind blowing MULTIPLE orgasms and cleans itself.  How many body parts can boast that?  In short, your vagina does not need dye, a facial or any other ridiculous product companies decide to market.

H/T Jezebel