Monday, July 12, 2010

My Father Does AA

The following is a guest post by MC

"Sometimes the secrets we hold for others still need to be talked
about. I can't attach my name to this, but needed to have someone hear it
anyhow."

 My Father does AA
       (I'm not supposed to tell you this but)
I don't remember much from when
       (I was a kid, it's a blur)
He was drinking. I think
       (I have destructive habits I learned from him)
I was lucky: He never hit me, He showed
       (Frustration, pain, anger...)
He cared, and that He loved me
       (Now he's distant, withdrawn)
He was a guiding voice in my darkness.

My Father does AA
       (Faithfully, every day)
I'm not supposed to tell you this, but
       (Keep it a secret, hide the shame)
I was a kid, it's a blur
       (Of mixed emotions, a sense of failure)
I have destructive habits I learned from him
       (Passive-aggressive-self-
recrimination)
Frustration, pain, anger..
       (Always striving to satisfy perfection)
Now He's distant, withdrawn
       (Twelve steps away from me)

My Father does AA
       (I don't remember much from when)
Faithfully, every day
       (he was drinking.  I think)
Keep it a secret, hide the shame
       (I was lucky: He never hit me, He showed)
Of mixed emotions, a sense of failure
       (He cared, and that He loved me)
Passive-aggressive-self-recrimination
       (He was a guiding voice in my darkness)
Always striving to satisfy perfection
       (My Father does AA)
Twelve steps away from me.