Sunday, July 11, 2010

Sunday Shame: Air Conditioning and The British Stiff Upper Lip Edition



As you know, I spend quite a bit of time talking with SPARKY. He seems to be under the much deluded belief that his accent somehow makes his OBVIOUS shame invisible to the world, but I am afraid I am going to have to call his sorry butt to the mat; you see he is one of those people. By those people I mean, someone who incessentanly complains about the heat, but refuses to do anything about it.  I submit the following as proof regarding his shame.

Sparky: We're British
Renee:You're silly
Sparky: That is why it's 12:40AM and Beloved has the patio doors wide open! British,silly. Largely the same thing:)
Renee: How do you even do it in that kind of heat
Sparky: we prefer eccentric. We moan about it!
Renee No thank you, and I don't care how good the sex is
Sparky: We complain over and over "wow it's hot, it's hot, it's never been this hot before!" and we do it EVERY YEAR and EVERY YEAR we are SURPRISED when it ZMOG gets HOT in SUMMER!
Renee: Well my air conditioner is going and it is quite comfortable in the house
Sparky: and next year we'll do it again:) Heh we consider air conditioning - and shops generally have it now- but it's always "why do we need AIR con for 3 days a year?"
Renee: Cause it is more than three days a year
Sparky:Yes, but that is REALITY. We're British. Reality is irrelevant
Renee: You know this is a Sunday Shame post right?
Sparky: You will never convince us we need air conditioning:) We will sit out here with all the doors and the windows open at midnight in the boiling heat and say "it's YORKSHIRE, it never gets hot here!" It's the changeable weather 3 days scalding heat - then it's like the middle of February for a wee,then scalding heat, then a spring day then cold again - it changes constantly.

Okay, since the summer started, Sparky and I have had this conversation repeatedly, and still he has NO CONDITIONER. I could understand if it were a matter of finances or even some sort of environmental principal, but this is nothing but pure stubbornness. He will tell me that he is melting, that the air is thicker than soup and then does absolutely nothing about it. Of course it is just some errant little heat wave, 'cause of course, England doesn't have seasonal changes and have summer every single year.  Why even try to be comfortable when so much can be invested into whining about how hot and sticky it is.  What kills me is that this man objects to air conditioning because it is not British, but then he turns around and boycotts tea and gives people the side eye.  Okay, I think he is messed up, and now we know why Britannia no longer rules the waves.

So after all of his whining and carrying on, I finally told the man to get a window banger so that he could sleep at night, and not leave the house open to all kinds of nocturnal creatures to stave off the sweat lodge I am sure that his house has become.  Do you know what he did?  Well?  He bought a freaking fan and suggested that he had really made a progressive step.  One day Sparky  is going to come home and find a yucky pool of sweat where his Beloved used to be and all he will have left his stiff upper lip and his British stoicism. I on the other hand love the fact that though it is July, and I am currently wearing shorts but wrapped in a blanket.  Don't even think about getting smart and suggesting that it is because it is winter year round in Canada.

He seems to think that none of this qualifies for Sunday Shame, but I say anyone who copiously and I do mean copiously whines about the heat, and does nothing about it is Sunday Shame material.  What are your friends always complaining about that makes you want to give them a quarter to call someone who cares? You can also chose to share what everyday complaint gets on your last nerve.