Louis: If your twenty
Louis: Then you have never done a thing for other people. Yes, you went to Guatemala on a school trip and they told you that you helped but you totally did not help. You were a way bigger pain in the ass.
(Jay starts to laugh)
Louis: You got your picture on facebook with a shovel and they got screwed. They hate you now.
Jay: Well how are your children doing? They alright?
(Louis begins to laugh)
Jay: I mean how are they?
Louis: My kids are good. I mean on paper they’re good. They’re two little White girls in America.
Louis: I mean what — sometimes I look it that way. Like you can’t say anything.
Louis: You’re doing awesome. Just boiler plate great life. I gave my daughter medicine the other day and it was bubble gum flavoured so that she’ll take it.
Jay: Bubble gum flavoured medicine
Louis: Yeah you give it to them. It’s like Tylenol just bubble gum flavoured
Jay: Oh so not methadone or anything.
Louis: No it’s bubble gum flavoured. She’s got a fever you know bubble gum flavoured and she’s like ewww. Fuck you eww, you can’t say eww. I’m sorry. It’s medicine.
Jay: Medicine right, exactly.
Louis: It’s medicine. Most children don’t have medicine.
Louis: Most children in the world, they get sick they die on a rock with a bear eating them. That’s how they handle it. Oh he’s got a sniffle ring the bear bell and put him outside. That’s what they do. You’re a little White girl in America. You’re wearing clothes made my children your age professionally. You don’t get to say ewww about your bubble gum medicine.
Jay: (laughing) I never heard of bubble gum medicine
Jay: You got the holidays coming up. Are you doing anything — any plans? You seem like a very holiday guy.
Louis: No. I just want to say, that I’m not trying to say that if you’re White you can’t complain. I’m just saying that if you’re Black you get to complain more.
Jay: Right, right.
Louis: You can’t, there you go (Louis points to Leno’s band)
Jay: Don’t tell the band that.
(camera turns to the band who appear to be all Black males. One man is pumping his fist as the others nod head in agreement)
Louis: You can’t take people’s historical context away from them. Everybody always want us to. Like, White people are like come on it wasn’t us. Like they want Black people to forget everything. Like every year, White people add a hundred years to how long ago slavery was. I’ve heard educated people say that slavery was four hundred years ago. No it very wasn’t. It was a hundred and forty years ago. That’s two seventy year old ladies living and dying back to back. That’s how recently you could buy a guy. And it’s not like slavery ended and everything has been amazing. It just
Jay: Glad that’s over.
Louis: Oh yeah it’s like a clean shit where you don’t have to wipe, just boom and then it’s been parades and presents ever since. You gotta remember that if you meet a Black person and they have grey hair, that they remember a time when they had to use a certain toilet, so give them a little time to be cranky. And by the way White people have their own stuff that we went through, that hurt us that we have to cope with, like when they took our slaves away. That was really hard for us. We’re still…so it’s pretty
Jay: So it’s even. It’s even. Alright
Louis C.K. doesn’t always get it right, but this time he cracked me up. What were you thoughts on his appearance on The Tonight Show?