Australian Olympian Tweets Homphobic Slur and Gets Dumped

Proving that homophobia does not pay, Jaguar ended its sponsorship of 3 times Australian Olympic gold medalist Stephanie Rice. 

Rice, 22, tweeted "Suck on that f--gots" after Australia's rugby union team, the Wallabies, defeated South Africa's Springboks on Saturday.

"I made a comment on Twitter on Saturday night in the excitement of the moment. I did not mean to cause offence and I apologize," she wrote in a blog on her website.

But Jaguar Australia general manager Kevin Goult announced that his company has withdrawn its sponsorship.

"Jaguar Australia today terminated its relationship with Stephanie Rice, who has been an ambassador for the Jaguar brand in Australia since the start of 2010," he said in a statement released late Monday.

A company spokeswoman confirmed the statement but declined to give any further details on the terms of Rice's agreement. Local media reported that Rice would be losing the late-model A$100,000-plus Jaguar that she has been driving since striking the deal. [source]

So far so good right?  It is about time that people learn that there is a cost for dehumanizing people.  Reading that it make me feel as though Jaguar had given the LGBT community a small victory. Good feeling however where very short lived when I read the commentary from Gold-winning Olympic diver Matthew Mitcham:

"I know she's not homophobic because we are good friends," he said. "It was just an extremely poor choice of words.

"Some people when they use that language don't realise they are causing offence. But it is an issue for a lot of gay people, who get quite upset about it because they have spent so long trying to change people's mentality about these things.

"I don't find that term very offensive because of my generation but other people do, and you have to consider everyone."

Mitcham, 22, said he had already forgiven Rice for her faux pas. Roberts called for Rice's sponsors to dump her.

I know that I am outside of the community, but I must say that it read very much to me like sell-out behaviour.  I have always noticed when someone says something racist, you can always start your stop watch to see how long it will be before someone is defending them.  Just think Whoopie and Mel Gibson, or the supposed man of God who had no problem with Duane Chapman AKA Dog the Bounty Hunters racist tirade. Of course, these people get thanks from the dominant bodies, because they don't really want to be held accountable for their actions.

How can you not know that you are being offensive when you say a slur?  This is even worse in my opinion, because it was not an excited utterance. The woman sat down, logged onto tweeter and then typed out her homophobic message. F@aggot is not some obscure term and the LGBT community have made it more than clear that this word is considered to be a slur. The very notion that a straight person does not know they are being offensive when they use the word f@ggot is ridiculous.

Mitcham may not think that his friend is homophobic, but what she said was far more than "an unfortunate choice of words."  If he wanted to avoid calling her a homophobe outright, he could have simply stated that what she tweeted was homophobic, though I don't think that splitting hairs is necessary.  Maya Angelou once famously said, "when people show you who they are believe them the first time." 

As an outsider it was interesting but sad to see that no matter the community, someone is always interested in propping up the oppressor to the detriment of their own community. You don't elevate yourself or your cause by going into denial when someone says something hurtful, you only look like a sell-out.  The only way to fight hatred is stand up and say that it is wrong and that you deserve to be treated with basic human decency.  I suppose the potential pat on the head from the oppressor is just too much to pass up for some people.

Spark of Wisdom: I am gay, this is me. This is who I am, this is what I am

 

This is a guest post from Sparky, of Spark in Darkness.  Many of you are  familiar with him from Livejournal, as well as from his insightful and often hilarious commentary here. Each Tuesday, Womanist Musings will be featuring a post from Sparky.

 One of the perennial musings I have rolling around the slightly quirky organ that is my brain is thinking of labels, their need and which ones to use - and who gets to use them. There are a whole lot of people who love their labels, a whole lot more who hate all labels, and an inordinate amount of people who like some labels but not others and, sadly, rather a lot of people who do a great deal of label thrusting.

Confused? You will be.

Personally, while seeing the point of most of those groups (except the thrusters - a label I am now choosing to use because it lends itself to innuendo and it's good for the soul, it is) I generally fall into the group of loving labels - my labels anyway. But also knowing the boundaries of them.

Labels are, I think vitally important things, especially for many marginalized people. Labels can be an important part of self-definition and self-identity. They can be a powerful way of declaring yourself, who and what you are, claiming yourself and naming yourself. To many, that is important, that is powerful.

We live in a word where people will label us, negatively, insultingly and demeaningly (hmmm that sentence is a flagrant abuse of adverbs) with slurs and to dehumanize us, other us and reduce us. Many will decide they know who and what we are regardless of our own thoughts and feelings - they will define us, box us in and make judgments about us. They will decide who we are. To claim our own labels in response, to say "I'm not that - I'm this. THIS is me. This is who I am. This is what it means." is an act of empowerment.

And we live in a world where we are often rendered invisible, that denies our existence, forgets about us and generally shoves us under the rug and in the closet at every opportunity, then shouting our identity, clearly stating our identity and having a labeled identity is a great way to counter the erasure. I think this is especially important for GBLT people where our existence is not only denied, but the very possibility of our existence is often fought - with us being labeled as sick or deluded, with homosexuality being considered something we do rather than what we are and the huge denial of a trans person's gender identity.

It's Time to Stage an Axe Intervention

 If you have been following me on twitter, you are well aware of my absolute hatred of Axe.   Though I have given my otherwise bright unhusband bottles of good cologne, he insists on using Axe.  The noxious fumes he releases every time he sprays Axe is just an assault to the senses.  He believes that his "good cologne" is not for every day, whereas; I believe it is always a good day to smell nice. I have told the unhusband to stay out of the garden for fear that just being around him will cause the flowers to wilt.  Let me say for the record that there is nothing about Axe that is even remotely good, even though he is convinced that the women at work sniff him and swoon.  I know, I know.  If they are swooning, it is because the stench is so strong that they are fighting the urge to pass out.

He recently escalated what I have come to call our Axe wars by purchasing Axe shampoo.  I didn't even know they made shampoo until he brought it home.  Now every inch of the guy I love is going to stink.  Yes I said it - stink.  I have surreptitiously thrown out the occasional can, only to find it replaced two or even threefold, because apparently a man needs options for his quality of stink each day.   I think if they had Axe toothpaste he would use it.  Not only does he love their products, he loves their commercials.  For some reason they seem to bring out the juvenile side of his nature.  Keep in mind that he is older than cheese, but somehow the ridiculous college humor and or tagline sucks him in every time. I found the following video over at Danny's Corner of the Universe.

Sunday Shame: Vote me off the Island, Geek Crush Edition

The last few weeks have been very rough for me and so I have not been inspired to hold anyone up to the 18pt font of Sunday Shame but this week Holly Ord, my co blogger Women's Eye Media truly left me no choice.  You see, we were watching the Emmys (no, I don't know why we decided to torture ourselves like that) when Ms. Ord decided to make a certain comment about.

I must admit that I may have started her down the path of Sunday Shame when I announced that I would sleep with Jeff Probst but she certainly took it to another level when she declared

Haha! I would sleep with him if afterward he was all 'Holly, the tribe has spoken.'

Ummmm, that my friends is certainly Sunday Shame worthy.   She tried to obfuscate and step away but clearly there can no coming back from this.  What choice did I have but to shame her?  Who says shit like this?  Holly Ord that's who.

In the past we have admitted our childhood crush shames and I think this week we should share our geek crushes because Probst is most certainly a geek.  I think I would have been more original and made him crown me the sole survivor LOL.  So there it is fess up your geek crushes and what you would have them say or do.   

 

Drop It Like It's Hot

Hey everyone, happy Labour Day Weekend.  I hope you have the bbq's ready to fire and the potato salad chilling nicely for the last long weekend of the summer.  Summer was like a blink, it went by so fast. 

As usual, I would like to remind everyone of Womanist Musings open guest posting policy.  Please send either your original work or a link to you blog.  Please include a three line bio and an image you would like associated with your work to womanistmusings[at] gmail.com. The more people that participate in the conversation the broader topics we can discuss and the more issues we can challenge. 

Below you will find a list of postings that I found interesting.  Please show these bloggers some love and check them out.  When you are done, don't forget to drop it like it's hot and leave your link behind in the comment section.

beyond politics: disability & desire
unbearable weight
Do “Fat” and “Crazy” go hand in hand?
JUST ANOTHER CASE OF THAT OLD DEA
Being Girlfriend Material (trigger warning for descriptions of sexual violence)
When I Learned I Was: A Woman
First Nations Confront Legacy of Violence Against Women
Party on the Food Network
Justice for Shaquan, justice for mothers
On fatphobia, thin privilege, and “eat a sandwich”
Tiger Woods Is Single Ladies
Caribbean Black Isolated in White Suburbia
The Culture of Internet Call Outs
There Are More Slaves Today Than At Any Other Time in Human History
What’s Wrong with Regular Black Girls?
The Brownest Eye

It's Friday and The Question Is.....

Even though the first day of fall isn't until September 22, back to school always marks the beginning of a new season to me.  Last week, we went shopping for school supplies and there seems to be this sense of anticipation in the air. This week, I thought that we could share our favorite fall memories, or even our worst back to school stories.  What do you think of, when you think of fall?

Jails Need to Accommodate Trans Prisoners

It has been well documented that globally trans prisoners face high rates of violence and abuse, from not only fellow prisoners, but prison officials.  In some cases, the solution has been to place trans inmates in solitary confinement for years, which amounts to torture.  Prison rights groups often ignore the special plight of trans prisoners, thus making them even more vulnerable.  Prison confinement often rises to the level of cruel and unusual punishment for trans prisoners.

With this in mind, an Australian judge decided not to incarcerate a trans woman, after hir reckless driving killed hir girlfriend, because she felt that the prison system was not set up to handle bodies like hirs.

Judge Marilyn Harbison told [name redacted] she would not lock him up because she was not satisfied prison authorities could protect him from bullying from other inmates.

She said [name redacted], 21, wanted to be a woman and assumed the characteristics of people in a fantasy world and because of his unusual personality she would wholly suspend a three-year jail term.

"The prison environment would weigh very much more heavily on a person of your condition,'' the judge said.

[name redacted] was at least 30km/h over the 50km speed limit when he skidded on a dirt road at Seville East and hit a tree.

Melissa Neylon, 18, who was in the front seat, was thrown clear from the car with the seatbelt round her neck and the car landed on top of her.

What this person did was clearly illegal and yet they are not serving time, because of the way the system is organized.  It is very rare that a trans person will get any form of special treatment and that point must be emphasized; however, if the law is really to mean anything, it has to apply to everyone equally.  If we are going to insist on imprisoning people, we need to assure that this process is humane and applies equally to everyone.

WiseWoman Watching Edition Of Understanding The Idiot Box

Jaded16 is a Radical Feminist from India. She writes a humour blog ‘Oi With The Poodles Already’, attempting to make her world a little woman-friendly using healthy doses of irony and sarcasm to de-condition the Indian masses. It is at times like these when she loses all her sense of humour and starts looking for a rock big enough to live under.

 

Author's note: Jaded16 is violently sick. She's prepped up on pain meds and all sorts of things. So apologies for all spelling errors and nonsensical ramblings in advance. This way, the mocking, pointing and laughing can be skipped this week.
----
For a Lady who is sick, there aren't many options for entertainment around here. Sure there's that whole 'everyone who happens to come to my room becomes my servant' thing (which does have its advantages had I been a passive-aggressive person) or I can pretend to be less sick than I actually am so I may be allowed out; but all these tactics fall flat very soon. As soon as mum gives me that Olde Glowering Eyelid Nod that is. So, T.V. watching is the one thing that is considered appropriate on this side of the world when the said Lady is sick. This week, I've managed to watch so many soaps and movies that I may never recover.  Excuse the dramatics, it's one of the long lasting effects the TV implants in your skull the moment your eyes glaze over.

These days bringing up the 'woman problem' on TV has become quite fashionable, sort of like that time talking about orphans was fashionable. Or maybe that was just Dickens. You're probably wondering at this point, "What's her problem now? Isn't she happy Indian soaps are addressing the problem?" or maybe wondering just how high my dosage is that I'm not tickled pink at the prospect of having issues like child marriage, female feticide, domestic violence etc. Be patient people of Ye Olde Interwebes as I slip into a comfier position.

Strippers Protest Christian Fundamentalist Church

(AP Photo/Jay LaPrete)

 

When I saw the AP article entitled Bikini-clad strippers protest church in rural Ohio, I immediately had to read it.  It seems that members of a fundamentalist church were negatively impacting a strip club by taking down license plates, and gathering in the parking lot.  Nine miles separate the Fox Hole Strip Club and the New Beginnings Ministries, but the difference is larger than the geography implies. The church members feel that they are doing a good service by encouraging these women to seek out another from of employment and the women are just trying to support themselves and their families the best way that they can.

The dueling demonstrations play out in central Ohio, where nine miles of cornfields and Amish-buggy crossing signs separate The Fox Hole strip club from New Beginnings Ministries.

Club owner Tommy George met with the preacher and offered to call off his not-quite-nude crew from their three-month-long protest if the church responds in kind. But pastor Bill Dunfee believes that a higher power has tasked him with shutting down the strip club.

"As a Christian community, we cannot share territory with the devil," Dunfee said. "Light and darkness cannot exist together, so The Fox Hole has got to go."

Monstrous Musings: Become a Virtual Student in Women’s Studies 300: Twilight: The Texts and The Fandom (with further thoughts on Why “Vampires Suck” Doesn’t Totally Suck)

This is a guest post from Natalie Wilson

I am a literature and women’s studies scholar and author of the blogs Professor, what if…? and Seduced by Twilight. I am currently writing a book examining the Twilight cultural phenomenon from a feminist perspective. My interest in vampires and werewolves dates back to my childhood fascination with all types of monsters.

Before we get to Vampires Suck, a Monstrous Musings Update with information about my Twilight course:

I have been absent from the blog for awhile due to finishing up my book manuscript, Seduced by Twilight (coming out from McFarland in 2011). But, I am back and still as vampire crazy as ever. How will I survive once True Blood ends this coming Sunday? Please say it ain’t true about Eric… Alas, the teen-angsty, vampire-hotties are back in The Vampire Diaries as of September 9.

And, in other news, my Women’s Studies course, Twilight: The Texts and the Fandom, started this Monday. For those of you who want to follow along as “Virtual Students,” here is the link to the course readings and calendar of topics. I will be posting course updates, recaps of class discussions, and other Twi/vampire related posts each week. The course will focus on enacting a feminist cultural studies lens to Twilight and the surrounding cultural phenomenon. We will read two Twilight texts, two essay collections, and one other vampire novel – The Gilda Stories by Jewelle Gomez. Hope some of you will join in the fun! Twi-vi’s (Twi-virgins), Twihards, Twihaters, and everyone in between welcome!

On to my review of Vampires Suck… (cross-posted at Ms. Magazine blog)

It may not be brimming with hard-edged analysis, but the new parody of the Twilight series, Vampires Suck, is certainly more satirical than sucky. This parody, written and directed by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, has its share of what I would call “Twi-crit-light,” a nod towards serious social criticism that separates this film from the majority of parodies that are aimed primarily at making people laugh (and, thus, are more comedic than satiric).

Therefore, I was surprised at the almost entirely scathing reviews Vampires Suck received–considering that I, one who has been accused of being a “that’s-not-funny feminist,” actually found the film quite humorous. It’s true that it traded in the typical “violence is so funny” meme and was sprinkled liberally with visual puns and pop cultural references (for example, in Edward’s early semi-nude scene, his genitals are covered by a glittering disco ball). But I found most of these images to be humorous and satirical rather than inane and stale (as this round-up of various reviews suggests). Moreover, the film highlights the saga’s hypocritical obsession with pro-abstinence: Edward Sullen (a spoof version of Edward Cullen) appears as a sparkly chastity knight and Becca Crane (the parody of Bella Swan) is decked out in fishnets, a light-up bra and underwear with arrows pointing towards her genital area. As in the saga, one minute we viewers are told to keep the purity rings firmly in place, while the next moment we are encouraged to get all hot and bothered over extended petting.

Missy Ann Syndrome: Purse Grabbing White Women

I went to the pharmacy to pick up some medication today and as I was passing by a White woman, she looked at me like I was lower than the dirt underneath her fake nails and grabbed her purse.  I know that this is something often associated with Black men, but it happens to Black women as well.  Apparently, the possessions of her coach purse were just so valuable, that a negro (that would be me) might find the temptation too much.  Oddly enough, had she looked beyond the colour of my skin, she would have noticed that my purse, is also coach and it is no knock off (yes I am casting aspersions on her).

2-3 times a day I get some comment or even an e-mail suggesting that I hate White women, because I have the temerity to call them out on their shit.  I even had one jack ass suggest that my father left my mother for a White woman, which btw is absolutely laughable. The problem must certainly be my uppity Black ass and not the fact that they think they are living in the antebellum south.  Missy Ann syndrome runs deep in the veins of some White women, even when they pretend that they are liberal and tolerant. Missy Ann's constantly declare their strength and independence to the world, but aren't afraid to use their White woman tears and fears to keep Blacks in line.

Unless they can place us in a position that is significantly beneath them, the Missy Ann's of this world don't feel that they are being respected and valued.  They know damn well that this is a White man's world and so the only way to have a piece of that power pie, is get into cahoots with them and lord their false superiority over people of colour.  This is why you will often hear White women reduce the complaints of WOC to jealousy.  On some level we must all want to be them, because how could we possibly be content with who we are. Even though Whiteness has been the cause of so much evil in this world, they have internalized the false belief that Whiteness is the height of human existence. 

“Out in Silence” The LGBT Community in Small Town U.S.A.

Yesterday, I learned that a man that I am barely acquainted with is moving back to Toronto.  This really should have been no big deal, but the reason he is choosing to leave, though not shocking is hurtful.   He has been with his husband for 20 years, yet he cannot walk down the street without fearing getting his head bashed in with a baseball hat.  I have been in a relationship with the unhusband for that long, and though we get looks because we are an inter-racial couple, never have I had to fear that someone’s ignorance or hatred would turn to violence.  I have tried to relate, but truthfully, even though I am stigmatized by race, my heterosexual privilege stand as a gulf between the two of us.

Yesterday, I came across a very timely documentary.  It is called Out in Silence.  Film maker Joe Wilson set off an incredible chain of events when he placed a wedding announcement in his home town newspaper, The Derrick.  Many were enraged to see a simple announcement for a wedding between two men.  Growing up in Oil Town, Wilson was quite aware of exactly how homophobic this small town is, but he decided that it was time for him to live openly.  He expected the hate mail, but what he did not expect was a letter from a woman named Cathy Springer, who desperately needed help dealing with the homophobia her young son, C.J. Bills was experiencing. “Out in Silence” is the story of homophobia in small town U.S.A. and what happens to the brave souls that refuse to hide who they are, because others are wrongly convinced that they have the right to belittle others.

True Blood: A Tribute To All We Have Lost

When Kids Engage in Hate Speech

RMJ over at Deeply Problematic had a very good post yesterday about a boy that was paid one dollar to swear and use racial slurs.  The video was taped and then placed on youtube.  Thankfully, the boy's mother reported this to the police, and the adult that posted the video was arrested for impairing the morals of a child.  As RMJ pointed out in her piece, this is far from a rare occurrence.  Many adults seem to think that it is funny to get children to act in ways that are racist or otherwise socially hostile.  This is extremely harmful, and in my mind constitutes a form of abuse even if said child benefits by learning to forcefully maintain an ism.

There are far too many that believe that their hatred of a specific group of people is natural; however, just like many things in life, we are actively taught to hate difference.  We learn to internalize the false believe  that difference mean less than, with the understanding that this is the way to gain privilege and power -- but the double edged  sword also means that we are contributing to our own marginalization. Children are born into a very specific discourse, but when parents either through direct or indirect action, support a hierarchy of bodies, they learn to perceive this world in very specific terms that have us continually clawing and fighting to be at the top of a socially constructed pyramid of power. And while we cannot ignore power, because it is in everything that we do and everywhere that we go, we certainly do not have to tolerate the idea that power has to be coercive to be of value.

The following video has been posted on several blogs today:

Is Dove Chocolate the Escape for Women that it Seems?

I found the following video at Sociological Images.

Transcript:

We’re only human, but we try to be perfect.
We pretend that high heels are comfortable, and that waxing just takes getting used to.
We pretend we can manage anything that’s thrown at us, and sometimes we can.
And other times, we just have to cut ourselves some slack, and take a moment.
Because although we’re only human, that’s more than enough.
Your moment, your Dove.

Gwen took issue with this commercial, because it uses a woman’s empowerment message to sell its product, “in a superficial way that simply suggests consumption as a solution rather than truly challenging the beauty ideals it appears to be critiquing.”  I think that this is an unrealistic demand from any commercial regardless of the product.  The goal is to sell an item, not restructure the world. If an advertisement can accomplish this goal without pandering to isms that we know that are harmful, has it not already exceeded reasonable expectations?

Of course we have to deal with the fact that this is a chocolate commercial aimed at women.  Even though both genders use a multitude of products, certain items are invariably aimed at women.  I don’t recall the last time I saw a cleaning product use a male actor in an advertisement -- and though it takes two people to make a child, a diaper commercial will invariably star a cute baby and its mother.  Dove could have done something really challenging and shown a man eating a piece of chocolate as a form of escape.  Even though in my household, any kind of chocolate invariably belongs to me (because I freaking said so), this does not mean that chocolate is not consumed for pleasure by both men and women.

The idea that women do perform their gender is something that is not often acknowledged for the occasionally painful and often time consuming ritual that it is.  None of the messages in this commercial were inaccurate.  If we are absolutely honest, not only are women spending inordinate amounts of time performing gender, they are also  doing a double shift.  Stopping to relax and to have moments of absolute pleasure, is not something we often give ourselves the pleasure of having, even though we live in an individualistic society rather than a communal one. 

Yes, aiming chocolate specifically at women and ignoring the way that this is considered a woman’s indulgence certainly plays upon sexist ideas; however, the message that we should relax is something that needs to be reinforced.  The problem is the product itself that is sending the message.  In the west, chocolate is something that many consume is vast quantities because it is pleasurable and cheap. The reason it is so affordable, is because of how it is produced.  Chocolate is an item that is made from highly exploited labour and sometimes even slave labour.  So as I sit here, a western woman engaging with the ways in which this commercial deals with gender, in response to the work of another western woman, the perspective we have both focused on, completely reflects our western biases.  What about the women workers that are producing the chocolate for little to no pay?  Do we think that they are affected by this commercial? Sometimes we can become so determined to look at something to see how it impacts us, that we miss the multiple layers of oppression right in front of us.  We cannot think in an intersectional fashion, unless we seek to deconstruct something from as many angles as possible. There is much more to this commercial than gender but it takes a determination to deconstruct an item to its most basic components to see this.

Are You Really Broke?

Class is something we really do not discuss, because we live with the lie that the majority of people are middle class.  The middle class lie is so pervasive that many put themselves into debt to acquire the trappings of a class location that they are not a part of.  Today we have far more people in the category of working class and working poor than we ever have before, and yet there is such shame with owning this label. On the other side of this equation are those that constantly claim to be broke and yet live in relative comfort with a fridge full of food.  If you can walk into a grocery store and purchase whatever comes to mind, you are neither poor or broke.  Food is something poor people reduce in times of economic retraction.

Quite a few years ago, I was visiting a friend of mine when her mother returned from grocery shopping and announced how many slices of raisin bread each person was allowed to have.  At three dollars a loaf, raisin bread was considered a treat and therefore, the bread had to be equally divided to ensure that each person got a fair share.  More recently, I went to the grocery store with an acquaintance to pick up a few items that the unhusband forgot when he went shopping.  I watched with shock as he walked over and started picking out meat that had clearly turned in colour -- that the grocery store was selling cheap to get rid of.  I listened as he told me how he planned to marinate this meat, to bring it back to top quality and then I stared into my cart with its fresh vegetables and good cuts of meat. I also listened to his plan to freeze the milk that he was buying because it was on sale.  Never in my life have I frozen milk, I simply purchase it when we run out.

Yesterday, I went to the bank before our family went on a torture trip  back to school shopping.  As I waited in line, I looked up to see a backpack hanging from the wall.  It seems the bank is running a fill a backpack charity drive, to help students afford their back to school supplies.  When I shopped, my only worry was whether or not the backpack would be big enough and if the boys liked the particular design.  I loaded up that cart with paper, shoes, clothes, pencils etc., without a single worry.

My Fathers Dreams: Where Do I Begin?

I am the eldest child of two parents who grew in poverty.  From the moment I was born, my father had dreams for me.  As a Black woman, today I can appreciate the depth of his passion because I know that so many Black children are destined for obscurity, because no one dared to dream the impossible for them.  Today, I am the mother of two children.  When I look into their eyes, I see the kind of possibility that lends itself to youth and adventure. 

I find myself wondering -- what if my boys were to stand in front of the Taj Mahal at sunset? Would they be so overwhelmed by its beauty, that they would weep salty tears of joy, in the simple pleasure of being alive?  What if my boys were to steer a boat down the Nile River?  Would they be overcome with a sense of human history unfolding slowly over a millennium?  What if my boys were to walk across a stage and collect a PHd? Would they go on to enrich the world with their work?  Would they share great revelations that would be remembered well into the centuries to come?  To look at a child that you love, is to ask what if....

The problem with what if, is that the question may not pertain to the child hirself, but to long dormant yearnings within the parent that remain unfulfilled.    This sepeation is extremely difficult, because parenting allows you to re-live moments of your childhood, that you have always wanted to change and or experience.  The very first time that I went swimming, Destruction was one.  I remember that summer day as one of the happiest days of my life.  I don't recall it in the same manner as I do other adult memories, because I experienced it as a little girl inside a woman's body.  The same can be said of our first Santa Claus Parade, and the first time we went trick or treating, because they were all actions that I longed to do as a child.