Monday, January 17, 2011

Elon James White For the ALCU: What to do if you're stopped by the cops

Elon is back and being the huge fan that I am, of course I had to share.


So let's say that you were stopped by the cops or like an immigration officer.  It's weird that the American Civil Liberties Union would ask me to do this.  It's not like I have ever had problems with, oh, oh wait sorry, I forgot about that (Elon points to his hand to indicate his Black skin) Sorry.  Continue.  I'll do it, let's make this happen.  There are some handy things to know if you happen to be in that situation.  I think up until this moment when I was stopped by the cops, I was using the rules that Jay-Z said in 99 problems.  We all know the basics, like the stuff that we learned on Law & Order. You have the right to remain silent.  You have the right to an attorney.  Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law.  There's some thing that you probably want to say out loud like clearly like really let the officer know.  Like that whole remain silent, like you can say like I am remaining silent.  I mean just say it immediately and then just shut up, like that's all you had to do.  And if you actually get arrested, say out loud clearly, I WANT AN ATTORNEY. And also remember, you can tell the cops: I DO NOT GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO SEARCH MY SHIT.  You probably shouldn't say shit.  You can say stuff, car, my house, my belongings, but you should probably stay clear of the whole don't search my shit, but you can totally think it.  And please for the love of God do not resist arrest okay.  I know sometimes you might even be thinking to yourself, "this motherfucker is arresting me and I didn't even do shit son. You don't know me.  YOU DO NOT KNOW ME." Just go along with it okay, call your local chapter of the ACLU okay, just don't fight it.  Make sure you hands are clearly visible at all times.  We don't want one of those oops I didn't know what he was reaching for moments.  We don't need that okay.  And another thing if a cop questions you and you ask, "can I leave?" and he's like, "yeah you can leave," just walk away - leave.  You don't have to continue past that point. I'm not saying act a fool and through deuces up and be like F your couch cop, I'm not saying all that.  And please note that these rules apply even if you don't have your papers okay.  If you don't have your papers, you still have these weird things called constitutional rights, you know, even though some people try to pretend that you don't. HA ha.  But at the same time, don't like lie about your immigration status. Don't like hand over fake papers that you got from some dude in a trench coat and a funky hat.  In my mind that's where you would get fake papers, from some dude in a funky hat and a trench coat.  He probably just smells like cigarettes and regret.  Also let me say this for my hermanos out there okay: no utilice documentos falsos.  Solo guarda el silencio.  That didn't even didn't even sound real. That sounded like I made up a language but I assure you they checked, supposedly I am saying it kinda right.  For the love of everything holy write everything down.  Document the shit out of this stuff.  Get badge numbers, car numbers, the agency the officer was with.  The information of witnesses that witnessed what happened. Okay like get all of it, document it.  But please don't use the let me get your contact info line on a girl to get her number. "Hey yo, I was illegally arrested so you should give me your information so that you can be a witness. You know what I'm saying girl yeah"?  If you feel that you've been treated unfairly, contact your local chapter of the ACLU. You don't have to take abuse and just got about your day.  In America people have rights, even though some people would prefer that they didn't -- they still do, remember that.  To learn more go to