Friday, June 3, 2011

So Why I'm Waiting Till I'm 26/27 to Have Kids

Dan Waters is a snarky 22 year old queer biracial wonderment who is part White, Portuguese, and Native American (Wampanoag-Kiowa). He currently lives in Massachusetts, and plans to become a Lawyer. That is, if he can survive Algonquin language classes and polyamorous dating right now! He also identifies as Two Spirit, and prefers male pronouns, but cherishes his female body that he was given graciously by the Creator. He blogs at Identity Exposure.

 Either by carrying them myself to term or fostercare/adoption, I’m gonna have kids. I got into this discussion with an LJ acquaintance, and while a big rant PC feminist they are very anti-mother and confused by the concept that I’d want kids biologically (and thus questioning, yet again, if I am really trans). Of course, she also is hating on the fact I said that right now, I want to date/get involved with POCs and other Natives, not white people anymore. Really, 98% of those I’ve dated, white as a cucumber. My kids will already be mixed with me, what’s the harm with adding some more in? I am not afraid of having other little POCs running around, but some feminists sure as hell act like they are.

My mother had me when she was 26-turning-27, and continued to work. Hell, she was working and taking the bus full 9 months and fucking walked to work too. I learned this ethic from my mother, and the fact that it is possible (hard, very hard) to be a parent and a worker. Both parents worked in my family, and often I was in the care of my Vavo. Living in a situation of multiple people providing is not unusual to me, and something that is ideal to me and how I want to raise my own kids. 26/27 is a good time. Why? Because by the time they are my age, I’ll be 50. Like my mother. And I’d like to be that age for them at their age of 22, where I can still kick shit and take names. (Running joke is, if I reach 90 I am driving off a cliff saying “BYE HATERS TROLOLOLOL!”)
In my ideal situation, I’d definitely be in a poly-relationship (triad preferably, but open one) and would love to be the stay at home person with a home office and a small office at a different location at the nonprofit or some other shit after Law School. Hell, I am probably still going to be stuck in the last stretch of Law School while pregnant or in the adoption process.

If I carry, I’ll hold off top surgery. Why? Because I’d personally breastfeed. Unless there was a female bodied partner who did not mind breastfeeding (because thanks to lactation pills, totes possible), I’d let them do it. But I honestly wouldn’t mind doing it, because it’s a bonding thing and I have these fuckers anyway. I want to use them up while I can, because, not gonna lie: if Oregon does pass that SRS bill and I am living in Portland for Law School (Lewisandclarklewisandclark *crosses fingers*), totally getting top surgery. Hands down.

Also, I firmly believe my kids can still fucking call me dad even if I have breasts. Why? Because I am pretty sure the kids I raise aren’t going to be ignorant fucks running around saying cissexist and heteronormative things, and they’d be raised pretty traditional. I also plan on being one of those parents that parentblogs, and hell, maybe finally make a Queer parenting guide that ISN’T cissexist and heteronormative (that’s right, majority of LGB parenting books are perpetuating heterosexual and cisgender standards). So my resources are me, myself, and I.

Also in my idea situation, many of my friends who I consider fucking family can/will be aunts and uncles. I don’t have siblings, so I lack that for my kids but I think it’s important. This would also be a great source, because, hey guess what: if I am still single at age 26/27, I will have kids regardless. Gasp, Dan be a single parent? OH NO. Dan, you’re killing your chances at dating people, and it’ll be ohsohardomg, Dan, think of the children. Fuck you. I am thinking about the children. I will be foster caring at that age if I am single (and it STILL IS A GIANT OPTION when I am coupled). I’d be taking the kids who don’t get picked by nice white families because they are POC, with disabilties, etc. So fuck you single parent/queer parent haters, and anti-fostercare/adoption people (note: I am saying adoption in the US, I believe foreign adoption is a fucked up and colonizing process).

So, haters to the left. I am oh-so-sorry if kids squick you out, or that you like to say that kids make me less queer or less trans, but you can stop policing what I can and can’t do with my body. Thanks.