Saturday, August 6, 2011

Drop It Like It's Hot

 Thanks again for a marvelous week of conversations everyone. I am so sorry about the light posting on the blog the last few weeks.  The boys are off school for the summer and I am trying to adjust to the new schedule while blogging.  Please be patient and hopefully things will be back to normal soon.

It has long been a goal of mine to make Womanist Musings a truly inclusive and intersectional site and I believe we are finally well on the road to that.  It is my hope that at least once a week all readers will see an issue that directly effects them discussed on the blog. I really want this to be a space for marginalized people to gather and discuss issues safely. We may not always get things right, but please trust that a good faith effort exists.

I am currently seeking someone to join the team to talk about issues related to fat activism.  I would like someone who feels comfortable talking about their own experiences, as well as taking an FA perspective to conversations around body image.  If you are interested in becoming part of the team, please send an email to womanistmusings (at) gmail (dot) com with two samples of writing and an explanation as why it is important for you to explore this issue. Please note, this is a non paid writing assignment.

As always, Womanist Musings retains its open guest posting policy.  If you are interested in sharing an original piece or work that you have previously published on your blog, please use the above email.  Please include a small three line bio, and an image that you feel best represents you.

As usual, below you will find links to stories that I found interesting this week.  A link does not necessarily mean endorsement, it simply means that something about the piece caught my attention.  Please show these bloggers some love and check them out.  When you are done, don't forget to drop it like it's hot and leave you link behind in the comment section.

Deal Breaker: He Won't Go Down on Me
Why asking 'what are you' can often be offensive.
Bearing Faithful Witness and the Social Justice Life
Adventures from the frontlines: running my first anti-sexism workshops with young children
The Revolutions Starts at Home Review Part 2: Peggy Munson's "Seeking Asylum: On Intimate Partner Violence and Disability. "
Death, Dying And Grief in Pop Culture
Who's Grabbing Africa's Land? U.S. Speculators and Universities
inside the mind of a gender traitor
Medieval Arab Lesbians and Lesbian-Like Women
70 Percent of Anti-LGBT Murder Victims Are People of Colour
My first time
Julia Roberts is Almost Cute Enough for the Media but not Quite
New Spider-Man Is A Black/Latino Teenager
So How About We Become Monsters Together
On Asexual Disclosure, Safety and Peace of Mind
You don't have to understand 
visit chinatown, do the chink-eye 

 Editors Note:  A link on this page is not necessarily a sign of agreement with the post and as always, the comment section is read at your own risk.  Sometimes links are to problematic pieces that I did not have time to blog about, and sometimes it's because I found something interesting in the position but in either case, a link is not necessarily a sign of support. 

Friday, August 5, 2011

Beyonce, Gwyneth Paltrow and Bootylicious Feminism

'BEYONCE  CONCERT IN CENTRAL PARK  2011    /    Good Morning America's Summer Concert Series      -   Central Park, Manhattan NYC     -       07/01/11' photo (c) 2011, Asterio  Tecson - license:

I love me some Bey Bey, but this is just wrong:
In the new issue of Harper's Bazaar UK, Queen B talks about the importance of female friendships and her admiration for her BFF Gwynnie.

She says: "She pushes her boundaries all the time. You go to her house and she makes you feel like you never want to go home. She is what I strive to be one day."

Beyonce also explains why she and her husband Jay Z have become great friends with Gwyneth and Chris Martin.

"We have very similar values," she says. "We have also been able to become each other's support systems over the years, as none of us needs anything from the other."
And if that were not enough, she followed it up with this:
But despite being one of the most successful women in the entertainment industry, Beyonce is reluctant to label herself a feminist.

She says: "I don't really fell that it's necessary to define it. It's just something that's kind of natural for me, and I feel like... you know... it's like, what I live for. I need to find a catchy new word for 'feminism', right? Like 'bootylicious'..."
Okay, let's start with admiration of Paltrow.  When I first read this, my initial though was has she never read GOOP and realized that Paltrow is completely out of touch with the lives of poor women and still seeks to set up her life as some kind of standard?  This is the same woman who talks about ingredients that many have never heard of nevermind have the ability to afford as though this is the most natural thing in the world.  If doubt it, have a look at this week's newsletter (heaven forbid she say blog post) where Paltrow is busy selling shorts/swim trunks for  250$ and 195$ respectively. Not to worry though you can get a 15% discount just for being a GOOP reader.  Selling high price stuff is not what I take issue with.  I take issue with the fact that Paltrow presents herself as some kind of every woman with no recognition of her race, class, able bodied, heterosexual privilege.  I see nothing positive about her and cannot imagine how she could in anyway function as a role model.

Yeah, It's Wrong But I Like It

'Justin Timberlake' photo (c) 2009, kyleburning - license:

This week I posted two videos of Justin Timberlake and Jimmy Fallon doing a rap tour.  The video included a lot of the songs that I actually like a lot and being a fan of Timberlake, despite the ish with Janet Jackson, I decided to post the videos.  I thought that this would be a throw away post, but once again, someone decided that I needed to deal with my issues.  The following is a comment from someone who didn't even bother to create a user name, but still decided I needed to read hir nonsense.
Anon: ah... more of your hypocrisy. So because in this case you find the person doing the appropriation sexy and hot- thus you are sexually objectifying the male by saying that he can take his clothes off anytime- you give the whole situation a free pass and don't say anything about what you are trying to fight.

Why are you so selective and hypocritical about your supposedly fight against all isms and oppression?

This isn't the first time you sexually objectify a male either- you do it all the time on your vampire posts.
If I were to discard anything that perpetuated an ism or appropriated from a culture of colour, I could never read a book, listen to music, watch a movie or television.  No form of entertainment is pure, because we live in a society that continually others and disciplines.  Even if a song is sung by a Black woman, that does not mean that it won't have elements of ageism, ableism, homphobia etc.,  Being part of a minority group does not ensure that the perpetuation of an ism will stop, and so short of living in a cabin in the woods, with no other human contact, I make compromises. We all make compromises on a daily basis and my ability to do so does not make a hypocrite; it makes me a realist.

When it comes to dating, it's not always the boys

'Barack Obama' photo (c) 2007, transplanted mountaineer - license:
President Obama has been talking about his girls again.  As you all know, Malia is getting to that age where driving and dates are on the horizon.  Like any parent Obama is worried but what he had to say truly bothered me.
“It’s only a matter of time until Malia gets her learner’s permit. So I’m hoping to see one of those models that gets a top speed of 15 miles an hour. The ejector seat any time boys are in the car. So, hopefully you guys have some of those in the pipeline.”
On another occasion he had this to say:
It’s a little intimidating. I might invite him over to the Oval Office, ask him for his GPA, find out what his intentions are in terms of career…Malia and Sasha, if you’re watching this, I’m just joking.

I’m not anticipating complete mayhem for the next four or five years, but, I understand teenage-hood is complicated. I should also point out that I have men with guns that surround them, often. And a great incentive for running for reelection is that means they never get in a car with a boy who had a beer. And that’s a pretty good thing.
As a mother of sons, I find none of what he had to say remotely amusing.  In fact I am sick of seeing the joke about fathers intimidating the boys that date their daughters.  My first area of concern is that this line of though is aimed solely at young girls.  It makes them seem as though they are in constant danger and never initiate anything.  Granted, the president don't go as far as some who joke about locking their daughters in their rooms until they are 40 but his approach still casts 'woman' as perpetual victim and this is a common trope.

Another thing that struck me about this, is the assumption of Malia's sexuality.  I am not privy to their conversations, but unless she has absolutely made it clear that she is straight, she could be lesbian, bi sexual or pansexual.  The idea that one always has to protect a daughter from boys also feeds into heterosexism.   

Believe it or not, teenage girls have hormones just like teenage boys and the idea that all boys are necessarily sexual predators is absolutely wrong and yet we continue to project this as the norm. It based on the idea that all men want sex all of the time and therefore boys must want it more because their hormones are raging. It bothers me as the mother of sons that some grown man will believe that he has the right to threaten one of my sons.   As a child he is in just as much need of protection. 

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Poor Kreayshawn, It's Tough Being A White Girl

When will this woman's fifteen minutes of fame be up?  First it was justifying using the N word at will and now it's all about how tough it is to be White. 
“People be like, ‘oh, that’s that white rapper,’” she said on the radio that morning, when one of the hosts asked her how she classifies her music. “I don’t like the sound of that. That sounds hella whack to me — white girl rapper. I’m an artist.”


Then she remembers moments when she didn’t feel confident: “When I was younger, growing up in the ‘hood, being the only white girl, like, there’s time when you’re like s--t, it sucks being white, you know?” (source)
Should I start singing Go Down Moses for her? Yeah Pharaoh, let my poor White girls, who get opportunities based simply in their Whiteness go. It must be tough to drop out of high
school and then be able to talk your way into film school with full scholarships.  It must be tough to be a film school drop out and then get asked to direct Red Hot Chili Pepper's new video.  And the utter hardship of putting a video out on youtube and then getting a million dollar recording contract must just be unbearable. 

When Feminism Fails Me

Eva Rivera is a proud lesbian Chicana, daughter, sister and sex worker who can walk in 6 inch heels and twirl naked on a pole in front of total strangers but is still viciously afraid of moths. She hails from Fresno, CA and is a poet and aspiring film maker. You can find her more personal writing on her blog

I've called myself a feminist since I've known the meaning of that word.  Yet, the very same feminism which I've worked so hard to align myself with has distanced itself from me. It hurts to hear hateful speech and action directed towards sex workers, especially coming from other feminists. Those who don't work in the adult industry tend to see sex workers as slutty, amoral, disease spreaders,  homewreckers and ultimately upholders of patriarchy. Yes, these stereotypes are tired and offensive, but I can understand where they come from. In this society, pitting women against each other serves patriarchy.

I remember the powerful rush of hatred I felt coming from self declared militant feminist Julie Burchill who said this: "When the sex war is won prostitutes should be shot as collaborators for their terrible betrayal of all women". What she is doing (and what many declared feminists do) is creating a seperate standard for women whom she deems to be immoral thus effectively ailenating us from womanhood. This form of  gatekeeping is a violent mechanism of control and it creates a false dichotomy, where sex workers are constructed to be oppressing "womanhood"

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

How can you end racism when you seem to hate Black people?

I am a 36 year old disabled woman who has been variously labeled "fat", "crazy", and "a hippie weirdo." I now try to embrace labels that others use in an attempt to "shame" me into being someone more "acceptable". I am passionate about issues of race/racism, criminal (in)justice, fat acceptance, and mental health advocacy. I blog at My Name Is JuJuBe and I am on the team at The Intersection of Madness and Reality

OK, so one thing I will never understand…. How is it that people can call themselves “counter-racists” and claim that they want to “replace white supremacy with justice” AT THE SAME TIME that they are parroting all of the negative images of Black people trumpeted by the folks over at websites like “Stormfront”?
I was on the COWS (Context of White Supremacy) Facebook group a few days ago. Someone had posted a video of V-Nasty, a member of the “White Girl Mob” who likes to throw around the N-word like it is going out of style. She takes pride in the fact that she has been arrested multiple times for fighting, claims that she is “real” because she has done prison time, and works closely with Kreayshawn, who is the “mastermind” behind the materialistic anthem “Gucci Gucci”. One of the members of the group made the comment “wow white girls think they are black and trying to take hip hop over”.
Well, I made a comment back in the group, that reflects my way of thinking about the concept of “acting Black/acting white”. I said “those girls do not "think they are Black"... they are promoting an image that they want people to believe is what "being Black" is about. Acting like a person without any morals, values, or class is not about "acting Black".... it is about promoting an image of what the white supremacists want ALL PEOPLE to believe is "Black". Think about it... if these girls were discussing issues that many Black people consider important and choose to speak on, issues which white people almost always ignore or pretend do not exist... they would not be looked at as "acting Black"... it is only when white girls act in a way that white people do not consider "appropriate" that they are deemed to be "acting Black"..... in truth they are acting in a way that the white media chooses to identify as "acting Black" based on racist stereotypes and programming..…” I really thought that a group full of people who are dedicated to ending white supremacy would understand the relationship between racism/white supremacy and the adoption/promotion of stereotypical images of Black people among white youth.  I thought it would be obvious to the people who listen to COWS that the “White Girl Mob” is nothing but a modern day minstrel show. Apparently, I was wrong.

Almost Fly For A White Guy

Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake take us on a whirlwind history of rap.

Part 11

I suppose I could say something about two White men appropriating Black culture, but fuck it, I like it, and honestly, Justin doing Push It, was sexay as hell. Justin can take his clothes off any damn time.  MMMMMM

Editors Note: Sparky put your hairbrush away, ain't no one trying to see that hot mess LOL.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Dollhouse Season 1 Ep.4 - Gray Hour

It really is a measure of Dollhouse's failure, that before I hit the play button, I feel the urge to hope that there are no sex scenes involving a lack of consent, or that I won't have to watch Echo be actively hunted by some man.   I thought when Gray Hour began that my wish was unfilled because once again Echo was dressed all sexay and rubbing her body over a group men.  It turns out that all of this was part of a larger scam to break into a vault containing antiquities. 

Once inside the vault, one of the co-conspirators attempts to leave with a part of the Parthenon.  Echo of course calls Boyd to update him about the event and at the end of the call, the phone emits a weird sound thus wiping Echo and bringing her back to her blank slate.  Without a personality to guide her, Echo is at a loss to figure out how to get out of the vault. Sierra is reprogrammed to talk Echo through the process but when she fails, Adelle and Laurence immediately consider terminating Echo.  Fearing that Boyd has not kept a proper distance between himself and Echo, Adelle instructs Laurence to have two other watchers on standby to carry out termination orders.  If that were not enough, Topher is more concerned with the security breach than with the fact that Echo is clearly in danger.

This tells me that not only is Echo a person who is routinely denied agency, she is considered disposable. Not a single person beyond Boyd was concerned about her well being, he was though of as not maintaining professional detachment. To dehumanize woman this way is absolutely in the service patriarchy. Even side characters like Ivy are not immune from sexist treatment as this episode, Topher treats her like a second rate girl friday. Isms should never completely disappear from the media because that creates an unrealistic world but when there is no counter to suggest that the ism being engaged in is problematic, it normalizes the action.

Gotcha and the Public vs Private Divide

'Change, Freedom, Social Justice - Egypt Uprising protest Melbourne 4 Feb 2011' photo (c) 2011, Takver - license:

We hold social justice bloggers to a very high standard.  It certainly is easy to do, because all of their mistakes are public and therefore easy to comment on.  If you look through the archives of Womanist Musings, you will find fail after fail.  You will see me lose my temper, apologize and then move on.  You will also see growth, because I certainly am not the same person I was when I started the blog three years ago.  On any good social justice blog, you will see the exact same thing, because decolonizing your mind is a journey, and no one, no matter how sympathetic, or educated ever gets it 100% of the time. I personally believe that it is always important to remember that no one's worst day, is representative of who they are as a person, and that to believe in justice and equality, one must necessarily be willing to accept that people will change, grow and learn.  If we don't believe this, why are we expending so much effort to create change?

I tried to have this conversation yesterday in the comment section, and some of you were more interested in playing gotcha than engaging in good faith.  I know that gotcha makes you feel good, but it actually doesn't get anyone anywhere. What honestly irritates me about the gotcha that people continually engage in online, is that it allows them to avoid their own mistakes.  Even as you are telling someone off for their mistakes, your own background is none to clean.  I know this because there isn't a single person who has not at some point engaged in harmful behaviour, as a direct result of their privilege. To use a biblical reference, let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

Educating vs Training People to Respect Minorities

This is a guest post from Sparky, of Spark in Darkness.  Many of you are  familiar with him from Livejournal, as well as from his insightful and often hilarious commentary here. Each Tuesday, Womanist Musings will be featuring a post from Sparky.

I've been putting my thinking cap on, especially in respect top social justice, arseholes and clueless people who say/do arseholish things - and especially on the idea of education vs training.

And I think there is a big difference.

Let me use Beloved as an example, because he loves to be my guinea pig so. Now, Beloved has an annoying habit (actually he has many many annoying habits) he hides things. He calls it tidying but, really, if we can't find things after he has "tidied them away" then it is hiding things in my book.

Now, when he "tidies" my desk I am in disarray for weeks afterwards. My paperwork, my files, my notes, they're all mixed up. Important client notes are mixed with reviews on the latest urban fantasy I've been reading, scattered with random memory aids about some orgs I work with mixed with some bank account statements and regularly covered with sticky notes and shopping lists I never use. This is not helpful.

Now, I can either educate Beloved, let him know how much chaos he is causing and how he should leave my desk alone for fear of giving me grey hairs and explain to him how very much it causes problems to me. Or I can train him by shouting and yelling, planning petty revenges and generally being as much of a pain as possible until he decides to leave the damn desk alone just so he doesn't have to listen to me whitter at him. 

Same result both times, but the difference is that an educated Beloved probably won't decide to "tidy" my briefcase away if he finds it lying on the living room floor (well, unless he's looking for petty revenge. And yes doing things that you know annoy your husband for malicious glee is a perfectly sensible way of resolving things) while a trained Beloved probably will - since I yelled at him about the desk, not the briefcase.

And so we come to social justice spaces and movements. And there are a whole lot of "trained" people who know that if you say X word then there will be a storm of pissed off people to jump up and down on you. But they're trained, not educated so will still use Y word and Z word. Or they'll say the same damn clueless, prejudiced thing and carefully NOT use the word. 

The Problem With She-Ra as a Feminist Text

'Princess of Power' photo (c) 2008, Nicola Jones - license:

When I was a kid, I loved watching She-ra.  What's not to like right?  In She-ra you get an ass kicking, take no prisoners female lead.  This is especially important because ass kicking, often is reserved for males.  I have grown up since the days when I cheered for She-ra, even as my brothers wanted more He-Man.  Now I look at the image and it invokes a very different feeling.

I recently came across an article at Bad Reputation: Feminist Pop Culture Adventure entitled: Inspirational Fictional Feminist Characters: She-ra. The following is a small passage from the piece:
One of the main joys I had from the show was that it featured an awesome female hero in a world of other awesome women. All too often, as a girl, my female heroes were lonely, sore thumbs sticking out of a world populated only by men. Also known as The Smurf Problem. My other examples of female heroes were all Smurfs: Princess from the deeply confusing Battle of the Planets, Teela from the He-Man series, Cheetara from Thundercats and The Pink Girlie One in Transformers. Female fighters were the exception. They were The Girl. The pat-on-the-head for female viewers: “there, look, she’s joining in too!” Not so on Etheria.


Oh and did I mention they’re all freedom fighters? Female freedom fighters battling against the Patriarchy Evil Horde using epic and non-gender stereotypical super powers such as ass-kicking, laser beams, ice and um… being an intergalactic Space Bee. The best bit is that none of them appear to be suffering from Sex Assassin Syndrome (SAS). Except for maybe Bow. Who also sings, bless him.
As adult, I can look at She-ra and still appreciate the positive role that she filled for some young girls.  I say some, because as a WOC, She-ra is not a show that I would particular encourage my children to watch, and even more so if I had a daughter.  You, see when feminists start talking about women's advancement, my first question is which women are we talking about?  If we're honest, no matter how many times the great unified sisterhood is pitched by feminism, there are always going to be some women, who somehow don't fit the mold, because they are poor, of colour, trans, lesbian, older, disabled etc., 

Monday, August 1, 2011

Get Down With Your Bad Self

I need to end the day on high note and so I present you with this youtube video of two boys doing their thing to Outkast's Hey ya.

Go on admit it.  You wanted to get up and boogie with didn't you.  Sparky put the hairbrush away, this is not 80's music.

Whiteness, Buddhism and Safe Spaces: Hands off our sitio y lengua!

I'm a 23 year old Sinhalese woman in Minnesota by way of Dubai by way of Sri Lanka. I am a Womanist, and part of my womanism is figuring out how to be in solidarity with my transnational sisters worldwide. I'm a daughter, a sister, a partner and a writer. I'm a brown girl who knows Shakespeare by heart and devours anything Toni Morrison. I believe in radical, revolutionary living and loving.  I blog at Irresistible Revolution.

"...white society desires Third World people to mimic the colonizers. Our land, our dignity, our rights absorbed by their omnipotent power everywhere we turn. To assuage their guilt , they want to co-opt us, make us like them. Assimilation is their best fantasy" - Emma PĂ©rez, from "Sexuality and Discourse"
Since my last post on Buddhism, appropriation and POC identity, quite a few things transpired in the blogosphere. While two white Buddhist bloggers decided to decry my 'anti-white racism' and my supposed irrational distaste for Richard Gere, several courageous and inspiring POC and ally Buddhists have written in solidarity, acknowledging the sociocultural and political (yes, political) realities of race, identity and Buddhism. While the comments and emails from POC whose experiences resonated with my writing have been invaluably heartening, I've had to wade through no small amount of bullfeces from folks in the Buddhist community who are virulently opposed to any form of discussion around privilege and identity. While I knew from the get-go that staking a politicized, Third-World womanist claim to Buddhist identity would incite some responses, I was unprepared for the veritable maelstrom that followed. In the wake of that maelstrom however, I've asked myself some questions about why cultural appropriation is such a hard topic to broach, about why I feel determined to broach it, and why as a POC I harbor such a visceral anger when Whiteness appropriates cultures of color. This post was the result.

True Blood: I Wish I Was The Moon

Spoilers Ahead

My nickname for last night's episode is rapepoloza.  In just under an hour Ball managed to use rape twice to advance the plot.  The first occurred in a flashback sequence of Luis feeding on the witch Antonia.  After his maker points out that she is not afraid of him, and that fear makes the blood sweeter, Luis viciously rapes Antonia.  The second occurs when Tommy manages to shift into Sam Merlott.  When Luna shows up at Sam's door, she bares her breasts and Tommy appearing to be Sam, has sex with her.  Luna thought that she was consenting to sex with Sam, not his brother Tommy, and that makes this scene rape by deception.  How many times is Ball going to use rape as a plot device this season?  It is bad enough that he has appropriated an event like the Spanish Inquisition and blamed it on vampires, instead of the Catholic Church, when so many women, Jews, and Muslims died, but the idea that rape can be simply used as a tool is horrific and belies the seriousness of the offense. 

 This episode Bill finally confronted Sookie about the fact that she was hiding Eric.  She rightfully told him off when he dared to bring up her deceit, saying "you have a hell of a nerve lecturing me about lying." What I did find interesting is that in the physical battle between Eric and Bill, clearly Eric came out on top because of his age.  This makes me wonder how it is that vampires so much older than Bill so easily come to heel at his command.  We saw this last season with Sophie-Ann and Eric.  It does not make sense that all of these weak vampires end up in the position of Kings and Queens. Sookie saved Bill's life by telling Eric to stop and letting him know that Bill was the king.  Bill of course took advantage of this and had Eric imprisoned and sentenced to the true death.  When Sookie suggested that he was only imprisoning Eric out of jealousy he answered saying, "believe it or not my entire existence does not revolve around what, or who, is between your legs."  I didn't expect Bill to release Eric but I knew when I saw the spike her certainly was not going to kill him.

In a holding cell together Pam tried desperately to reconnect with Eric, but he clearly wanted nothing to do with the vampire that he used to be.  I have begun to wonder if this new Eric, or should I say Eric sans his memories, is what Eric was like when he was human. Is it the vampire nature that brings out the killer instinct? 

When a Picture Says It All

Your thoughts?


Okay, most of you are aware of the fact that I had some very insensitive things to say in a post entitled, A Look At the Documentary Dear Daddy: The Voices of Children Without Fathers.  Much of my language in the post and the  comment section was exclusionary and for that I apologize.  I know that initial reaction was anger and that alone should have been a big indicator that privilege was playing a role in response, but like a jerk I just decided to show my entire ass to the world.  I know that my comments made the very space that I have worked so hard to be safe unsafe, and for this I am truly sorry. When it comes to both my straight and cis privilege, I have a lot of work to do.

Here's the thing, I can't promise you that I won't do it again and not because I am not sorry, but because challenging privilege is a lifetime journey.  In fact, I am positive that I will once again show my ass, lose my temper, be told off, and then come slinking back saying I am sorry, because that is how learning happens. It's rough and it sucks, but that is the process, or I should say at least it is for me.  The only thing I can promise you without a doubt, is that I learn from my mistakes and am better for it.  So thanks for the cuss out that I so richly deserved.

On a final note, to those of you who thought to use my race against me, if you ever fucking do that again I will ban you.  I get that I was being a pig, but how the fuck dare you even remotely suggest I a) took pleasure in talking about racism or b) hate White women but give White men a pass.  You were just as piggish as me and you owe me an apology. This btw includes each and every single one of you that supported this by downvoting my comment when I responded to the racist attack. It disgusts me that only one person bothered to point out the racism in this approach. I get that you were reaching for a weapon to hurt me, because that is what we do when we are hurt.  We lash onto a privilege, and then we use it to attack.  I know I recently did this using class to hurt someone.  So yeah, I get it, but it was not in least bit cool.

Editors Note -Apology reboot:

I know that I committed an act of erasure because I didn't consider people who are genderqueer or inter-sex in my response and for that I apologize. Of course it was my privilege that allowed me to just erase a group of people to privilege and support the gender binary which I know to be extremely harmful.

I also didn't think of the implications of what I was saying to single mothers and Lesbians moms. This again is a reflection of my straight and coupled privilege. To those who were offended by what I had to say, I deeply apologize. It was not my intent to cause harm, but I did so anyway and there can be no excuse for that.