Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Melissa Harris-Perry's Rules for Black Male Safety
You're not going to believe what I have to share with you. I guarantee that this is the hottest thing out there, everyone will want in on this. Without further ado, it's my pleasure to introduce the MHP dress code for Black safety, because clearly we need one. [a picture of Urkle from Family Matters appears on screen. He is wearing over sized glasses a red shirt stripped shirt and blue overalls. He has a huge smile on his face.] What, you didn't think I would say that? Here me out, let's take it back to the 1980's for a minute. You couldn't wear red and blue because of this. [short video clip of Ice T rap song Colours] Red and Blue were a no no for Black men. The Bloods and Crips took those colours to new heights. Wearing the wrong colour could get you killed and that's not to say that those colour are safe today. So take heed young men, red and blue are not your colour. Try mauve, turquoise, or even salmon if you are daring.
Now, we know that certain colours aren't the only no-no's on our list. Do saggy pants ring a bell for anyone out there. [footage of Black youth walking with sagging pants] Well if you live in Delcambre Louisiana it sure does. In 2007, the town banned sagging pants, and if you violated the law you could receive a fine of up to 500$ and up to 6 months in jail. Delcambre wasn't alone Mansfield Louisiana, ordinance carries a fine as high as 150$, or up to 15 days in jail. In Albany Georgia, it can also cost you up to 200$ and as of September, the cities made almost 4000$ on saggy pants citations. So, if the cops don't get you, your parents are sure to get mad at you for costing them all that money. Let's not leave out Florida, there's a statewide school ban on saggy pants there, because that's the most important issue in Florida right now. Just say no to saggy pants.
Last but not least are those pesky hoodies. They are a fashion no-no for MHP dress code for Black safety. I mean Geraldo says so. He said it on FOX news. "But I am urging the parents of Black and Latino youngsters particularly, to not let their children go out wearing hoodies. I think the hoodie is as much responsible for Trayvon Martin's death as George Zimmerman was." Oh, clearly Geraldo knows of what he speaks. Did you see that sharp suit? Although, I would caution him on those shades of blue that I saw. Hoodies are an absolute no. They are not acceptable for the MHP dress code for Black safety. So listen up young men: no red or blue, no sagging pants, and certainly no hoodies. If you want to play it safe, dress like you know Skip Gates, [image of the professor in handcuffs from the time he was arrested supposedly breaking into his own home]
So, if you follow these very simple rules you too can be safe and even considered safe to be around.